I don't often ask for leadership roles,
Yet many have followed me.
I'm often going down blind alleys
Just to see what I can see.
I am told that I was the leader
Of my sisters and brothers.
What is it about my presence
That instills confidence in others?
Am I really responsible for
The wrong turns they've taken?
Or have they, their own
Accountability forsaken?
I have come to ask myself
If I'm a poisonous presence
With a faulty set of values
As my very essence.
I have thought that I encouraged
Those I love to strive to be
The very best of themselves
That I thought I could see.
Perhaps I was mistaken
And was encouraging false pride,
As my mother often said
Of me before she died.
I am now left with doubt
And am filled with fear
That I've actually been destroying
Those I had held most dear.
It seems that my attempts
At making earthly amends
Has led to my alienating
Those I thought were friends.
Should I now hide myself
In stark solitude,
Praying for forgiveness
For having destroyed good?
I am waiting for a mission
To present itself.
Or am I really hoping
That I can become someone else?
