The golden light at the fall of night on the waves of the serene sea
Reminds me always that I must think about the day that was given me.
It is time for quiet reflecting on what I did and what I said,
Thinking of how I followed my mission and who I may have misled,
Spent in quiet contemplation and in saying a silent prayer,
For the many people whose life and love I'm privileged to share.
A bit of melancholy usually presents its sweet, sad face;
I'll never have another chance for today's special grace.
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
Monday, November 28, 2011
Managing My Mission
What is to be my mission we ask ourselves after our "life's work" is done?
It seems to me that after children and paychecks, our work has just begun.
We must remain available to assist, advise and guide the young;
It will teach us patience and will help to channel the high-strung.
I was never encouraged to ask what I wanted or had the talent to be.
I did not choose a life's path; a life's path instead chose me.
I fell into marriage and motherhood like falling down a deep well;
This meant much of my children's childhood, I made a living hell.
I am so fortunate that they have given me a chance for a do-over
By allowing me into their children's lives under the "Granny" cover.
This has allowed me to redeem myself in little bits and pieces
So that I now have the ability to share what life really teaches.
I always wanted to be a reporter, but didn't want to chase tragedy.
I simply want to observe, question, and report on what I daily see.
I do not need to seek drama, as drama seems to ever be seeking me;
I don't so much want to judge it as to convert it to dramedy.
It seems to me that after children and paychecks, our work has just begun.
We must remain available to assist, advise and guide the young;
It will teach us patience and will help to channel the high-strung.
I was never encouraged to ask what I wanted or had the talent to be.
I did not choose a life's path; a life's path instead chose me.
I fell into marriage and motherhood like falling down a deep well;
This meant much of my children's childhood, I made a living hell.
I am so fortunate that they have given me a chance for a do-over
By allowing me into their children's lives under the "Granny" cover.
This has allowed me to redeem myself in little bits and pieces
So that I now have the ability to share what life really teaches.
I always wanted to be a reporter, but didn't want to chase tragedy.
I simply want to observe, question, and report on what I daily see.
I do not need to seek drama, as drama seems to ever be seeking me;
I don't so much want to judge it as to convert it to dramedy.
The Fates of Our Foremothers
It seems to me that religious upbringing is to help define a life's mission greater than one's immediate pleasure and release at all costs from stresses of our animal instincts.
What confounds so many young women today is how to choose their life's mission. We are now faced with so many choices that were not available to our foremothers. When I was speaking to a couple of high school sophomores about their ambitions, they were very sure of their choices in professions. Upon hearing that, when I was their ages, all the women I knew were automatically expected to become wives and mothers, one of the girls replied, "I wish it was that easy." Easy? I wish.
Our educations prepared us for becoming doctors and lawyers, but acted as if becoming the co-creators of human beings and bringing them up to be moral men and women needed nothing other than a set of static rules and a stick. How foolish we were to take the path of family life so for granted.
We could never have even envisioned a book called What to Expect When You're Expecting. Even we who had never gotten a crying baby to settle down (to laugh yes, but not to settle down) were left to figure it out on our own. The closest we came to parenting advice was from Dr. Spock who believed in disciplining even small babies until they bent to our wills.
Forget about advice on life as a couple. We were told that once you married, you could never change any behavior of your man, so we simply learned to live with the resignation to that belief. And we dared not risk sex before the man "bought the cow" because we may end up at the mercy of a damning society for the support of a fatherless child. Men were taught that he way to have easy sex was to marry, even though all who have rared children know this not to be true.
Our greatest ambition for our marriages was that our husbands brought home their paychecks and didn't beat us to death. For these concessions, we were expected to accede to their sexual desires or accept their infidelity. Men had "needs," you know.
I have found some Eastern tomes on married love, but they never seem to have the lovers locked in intimate embraces that include shedding dogs and dirty diapers. I wish I could remember where I read it, but someone once pointed out to me that love is when to people are passionate about the same thing. The closest I could come to finding that quote was this one by C.S. Lewis, “What draws people to be friends is that they see the same truth. They share it.” The problem is that we don't define that about which we are passionate before we pick a path for our lives and mates to accompany us on these paths.
A lot of my friends are distressed by all this unmarried sex. I'm encouraged that the young people seem to be defining the difference between animal attraction and the friendship that grows out of shared passion for something outside one's selves. I believe that, in a lot of cases, they feel pressured into adding the sexual component by the erroneous belief foisted on many generations that males and females cannot have intimate friendships without sex "happening."
Even in this age of AIDS and DNA testing, many males are still brought up to treat their bodies as tools of conquest. Semen and ova are handed off to perfect strangers, as if these are not the seeds of human beings with the potential for souls. We have made mockery of the old-fashioned belief that our bodies are temples of The Holy Spirit.
I would prefer for young people to discover if it is only their animal instincts that attract them to each other before they attempt to bring children up with a shared set of values. Only in this way can we hope for a moral, civil society instead of continuing to foster packs of hyenas competing for the sake of the conquest. My husband once said to me that he believes that the real thing that separates humans from other animals is the ability to say, "No." I believe it is our ability to redirect our animal energies.
Would I prefer that we be taught responsible ways to recognize and responsibly relieve or refocus our own sexual tensions? Yes. Do I see that happening in America in my lifetime? I wish...
What confounds so many young women today is how to choose their life's mission. We are now faced with so many choices that were not available to our foremothers. When I was speaking to a couple of high school sophomores about their ambitions, they were very sure of their choices in professions. Upon hearing that, when I was their ages, all the women I knew were automatically expected to become wives and mothers, one of the girls replied, "I wish it was that easy." Easy? I wish.
Our educations prepared us for becoming doctors and lawyers, but acted as if becoming the co-creators of human beings and bringing them up to be moral men and women needed nothing other than a set of static rules and a stick. How foolish we were to take the path of family life so for granted.
We could never have even envisioned a book called What to Expect When You're Expecting. Even we who had never gotten a crying baby to settle down (to laugh yes, but not to settle down) were left to figure it out on our own. The closest we came to parenting advice was from Dr. Spock who believed in disciplining even small babies until they bent to our wills.
Forget about advice on life as a couple. We were told that once you married, you could never change any behavior of your man, so we simply learned to live with the resignation to that belief. And we dared not risk sex before the man "bought the cow" because we may end up at the mercy of a damning society for the support of a fatherless child. Men were taught that he way to have easy sex was to marry, even though all who have rared children know this not to be true.
Our greatest ambition for our marriages was that our husbands brought home their paychecks and didn't beat us to death. For these concessions, we were expected to accede to their sexual desires or accept their infidelity. Men had "needs," you know.
I have found some Eastern tomes on married love, but they never seem to have the lovers locked in intimate embraces that include shedding dogs and dirty diapers. I wish I could remember where I read it, but someone once pointed out to me that love is when to people are passionate about the same thing. The closest I could come to finding that quote was this one by C.S. Lewis, “What draws people to be friends is that they see the same truth. They share it.” The problem is that we don't define that about which we are passionate before we pick a path for our lives and mates to accompany us on these paths.
A lot of my friends are distressed by all this unmarried sex. I'm encouraged that the young people seem to be defining the difference between animal attraction and the friendship that grows out of shared passion for something outside one's selves. I believe that, in a lot of cases, they feel pressured into adding the sexual component by the erroneous belief foisted on many generations that males and females cannot have intimate friendships without sex "happening."
Even in this age of AIDS and DNA testing, many males are still brought up to treat their bodies as tools of conquest. Semen and ova are handed off to perfect strangers, as if these are not the seeds of human beings with the potential for souls. We have made mockery of the old-fashioned belief that our bodies are temples of The Holy Spirit.
I would prefer for young people to discover if it is only their animal instincts that attract them to each other before they attempt to bring children up with a shared set of values. Only in this way can we hope for a moral, civil society instead of continuing to foster packs of hyenas competing for the sake of the conquest. My husband once said to me that he believes that the real thing that separates humans from other animals is the ability to say, "No." I believe it is our ability to redirect our animal energies.
Would I prefer that we be taught responsible ways to recognize and responsibly relieve or refocus our own sexual tensions? Yes. Do I see that happening in America in my lifetime? I wish...
Saturday, November 26, 2011
The Yin, the Yang ,and their Young
"He who spareth the rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him correcteth him betimes" (Proverbs 13:24) and "Withhold not correction from a child: for if thou strike him with the rod, he shall not die. Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and deliver his soul from hell." (Proverbs 23:13-14)
Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.(Proverbs 22:6)
"Be you therefore perfect, as also your heavenly Father is perfect." (Matthew 5:48)
We must get the "mother" energy back into our concept of The Almighty in order to break the bondage of the patriarchal model for "raising a child in the way he should go." Our wrath should be reserved for what harms the vulnerable and not for what inconveniences or displeases the strong. It may not be that the Judeo-Christian scribes were wrong in the stories of what happened, but wrong in their interpretations of the events.
Perhaps it wasn't God who told Abraham to sacrifice his son, but Abraham's understanding of his god as being a god with a lust for blood sacrifice. Perhaps the "angel" who stayed Abraham's hand was his wife who pointed out the error of his interpretation of the voice of their shared Spirit.
Are there any blessings from bullying and beating of those over whom one holds the power of life and death? The reading of what Christians refer to as the Old Testament would have us believe that the Creator of Life is unable to control his children without the threat of death. How is mortal man to find his strength in the powers of persuasion that are made possible by bonding, when he is encouraged to react with rage to all displeases him?
I honestly believe that my father was attempting to follow the example of what he saw as God the Father in not "sparing the rod." Wrath was a part of his sensibility of how one is to train up children in the way they should go. He didn't kill any of us, but he certainly drew blood on more than one occasion. As a chivalrous man, he didn't believe in hitting his wife, and he did believe in protecting her, even from her own "beastly" children.
I hurt for many men raised in the traditional male manner, who they have been taught no nurturing skills, and resent any pain inflicted on their wives, even by their own children. I also grieve for the love lost to them and their children.
The expectation of my mother from all in our family was to, "Be you therefore perfect, as also your heavenly Father is perfect." All mistakes were "corrected" by corporal punishment perhaps because, in my mother's mind, pain was the way to perfection. This seemed to be a result of the huge amount of emphasis put on the belief that God demanded that His Only Son suffer and die in order to make up for the sins of our ancestors which were passed down to us.
I prefer to believe that a greater gift than his suffering and death on his last day was Jesus' ability, joyfully and without sin, to live on earth, following the stringent Jewish law. Even though I'm not from the "show me" state of Missouri, I learn better by following examples. This is an example that I can attempt to follow.
We do not have a clear scriptural example of how a monogamous married couple is to comport themselves, nor does the Bible have a great deal of information on how we are to behave toward our spirited children. I have to believe that there must have been some couples' and women's accounts of dealing with family life in a moral manner. Why do we include none of these in what we accept as sacred scripture? (Paul was not married and only advocated marriage as a substitute for the fires of Satan's domain.)“I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, It is good for them if they abide even as I. But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn” (1Corinthians 7:8,9).
I'm hoping to hear more about how families of faith raise their children "in the way they should go" and comport themselves as couples. This would be sacred scripture to me.
Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.(Proverbs 22:6)
"Be you therefore perfect, as also your heavenly Father is perfect." (Matthew 5:48)
We must get the "mother" energy back into our concept of The Almighty in order to break the bondage of the patriarchal model for "raising a child in the way he should go." Our wrath should be reserved for what harms the vulnerable and not for what inconveniences or displeases the strong. It may not be that the Judeo-Christian scribes were wrong in the stories of what happened, but wrong in their interpretations of the events.
Perhaps it wasn't God who told Abraham to sacrifice his son, but Abraham's understanding of his god as being a god with a lust for blood sacrifice. Perhaps the "angel" who stayed Abraham's hand was his wife who pointed out the error of his interpretation of the voice of their shared Spirit.
Are there any blessings from bullying and beating of those over whom one holds the power of life and death? The reading of what Christians refer to as the Old Testament would have us believe that the Creator of Life is unable to control his children without the threat of death. How is mortal man to find his strength in the powers of persuasion that are made possible by bonding, when he is encouraged to react with rage to all displeases him?
I honestly believe that my father was attempting to follow the example of what he saw as God the Father in not "sparing the rod." Wrath was a part of his sensibility of how one is to train up children in the way they should go. He didn't kill any of us, but he certainly drew blood on more than one occasion. As a chivalrous man, he didn't believe in hitting his wife, and he did believe in protecting her, even from her own "beastly" children.
I hurt for many men raised in the traditional male manner, who they have been taught no nurturing skills, and resent any pain inflicted on their wives, even by their own children. I also grieve for the love lost to them and their children.
The expectation of my mother from all in our family was to, "Be you therefore perfect, as also your heavenly Father is perfect." All mistakes were "corrected" by corporal punishment perhaps because, in my mother's mind, pain was the way to perfection. This seemed to be a result of the huge amount of emphasis put on the belief that God demanded that His Only Son suffer and die in order to make up for the sins of our ancestors which were passed down to us.
I prefer to believe that a greater gift than his suffering and death on his last day was Jesus' ability, joyfully and without sin, to live on earth, following the stringent Jewish law. Even though I'm not from the "show me" state of Missouri, I learn better by following examples. This is an example that I can attempt to follow.
We do not have a clear scriptural example of how a monogamous married couple is to comport themselves, nor does the Bible have a great deal of information on how we are to behave toward our spirited children. I have to believe that there must have been some couples' and women's accounts of dealing with family life in a moral manner. Why do we include none of these in what we accept as sacred scripture? (Paul was not married and only advocated marriage as a substitute for the fires of Satan's domain.)“I say therefore to the unmarried and widows, It is good for them if they abide even as I. But if they cannot contain, let them marry: for it is better to marry than to burn” (1Corinthians 7:8,9).
I'm hoping to hear more about how families of faith raise their children "in the way they should go" and comport themselves as couples. This would be sacred scripture to me.
Thursday, November 24, 2011
Thanksgiving Thoughts
On this Thanksgiving, I am grateful for the blessings that I'm getting from the women (and men) of moral courage entering into dialog with me about their real-life experiences with faith and family.
Wednesday, November 23, 2011
Cooking and Creation
When I cook for family, I feel my mothers with me.
Every day, the kitchen is where they would be.
My mother was the oven and pressure cooker queen,
So her long absences from home wouldn't cause a scene.
Her mother used a meat grinder as a food processor;
She could sit and do this without foot and back pressure.
My daddy's mom was the neatest cook I've ever seen;
As soon as she'd spill something, she'd immediately clean.
They thought I didn't heed anything they had to say,
But I watched them as closely as a hawk watches its prey.
They didn't like my questions about what I didn't understand,
Like why rules were different for woman than for man.
I saw how with food and fun they got their points across;
For why they allowed their men to slide, I was at a loss.
Now I use some of their subtle ways of reward
To soften the minds and hearts that are hard.
I pray daily that the values that I express
Help those I love to become more, not less--
More of what they are put on earth to be,
Realizing that no one is ever completely free.
But we must appreciate every contribution
That leads to the final meal's execution.
The ancients respected the grower and the grown
Realizing that none of creation stands alone.
Every day, the kitchen is where they would be.
My mother was the oven and pressure cooker queen,
So her long absences from home wouldn't cause a scene.
Her mother used a meat grinder as a food processor;
She could sit and do this without foot and back pressure.
My daddy's mom was the neatest cook I've ever seen;
As soon as she'd spill something, she'd immediately clean.
They thought I didn't heed anything they had to say,
But I watched them as closely as a hawk watches its prey.
They didn't like my questions about what I didn't understand,
Like why rules were different for woman than for man.
I saw how with food and fun they got their points across;
For why they allowed their men to slide, I was at a loss.
Now I use some of their subtle ways of reward
To soften the minds and hearts that are hard.
I pray daily that the values that I express
Help those I love to become more, not less--
More of what they are put on earth to be,
Realizing that no one is ever completely free.
But we must appreciate every contribution
That leads to the final meal's execution.
The ancients respected the grower and the grown
Realizing that none of creation stands alone.
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
Pass the Potatoes, Peas, and Philosophies
A childhood friend sent me this:
“God is a synergetic experience. Science can never reveal it, philosophy can never come to it – only a poetic approach, a very passive, very loving approach, can.” Osho
I had no knowledge of Osho, but these words seem full of wisdom. Come to find out, Osho was a well-known professor of philosophy who formed his own counter-religion, ministering mostly to the wealthy who richly rewarded him for assisting them in accepting their greed as good. It seems that Osho was a proponent of responsibility only to oneself.
Another friend who writes a spiritual blog wrote these words today:
Praise be to the Lord, to God our Savior, who daily bears our burdens (Ps. 68).
The Son of Man came not to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many (Matt. 20:28)
We all recognize that eating once in awhile is not enough to sustain our lives; we must be fed constantly in order to live. God's ministry to us is constant and on-going; He bends low to hear our cry and to meet our daily need. And if He asks us to serve Him, it is that we may imitate Him by serving his "sheep." Jesus asked Simon Peter to "feed [His] sheep." from the blog One Bird Watching by Gayle Nolan
I came to adulthood, marriage, and motherhood at the time that gurus spread across the land promoting self-fulfillment through the pursuit of pleasures, irresponsible sex, and drugs. Many of these gurus became wealthy and were apparently worshiped by their followers, even when it was obvious that the gurus were using their followers to feed their own greed. We seem to easily fall into the trap of deifying people who pretend to lift our burdens, while they are actually feeding themselves and their own egos.
Even saints are also sinners; no person is infallible. We must stop allowing those with the loudest voices and longest speeches to take over our consciousness. A truly spiritual person sets an example and then leaves their own spirit to continue to inspire us. He or she does not need the constant control of others to feel powerful.
Like a good grandmother who offers a peaceful place at her table to all who come, much of enlightenment happens when we are simply having our physical needs met. But we must be careful of those who offer easy fixes like mind altering substances and soulless sex, and feed our greed with fear of not enough to go around which leads to competition and hoarding.
A good grandmother offers assistance, but expects that the family values will be taken from her table to the hearts and minds of others. The spirit of the family is offered with the lovingly shared fruits of the labors of each member who contributed to the meal. Perhaps we should take the time to look at our own families and define what values we want to pass on as we pass the potatoes and peas.
“God is a synergetic experience. Science can never reveal it, philosophy can never come to it – only a poetic approach, a very passive, very loving approach, can.” Osho
I had no knowledge of Osho, but these words seem full of wisdom. Come to find out, Osho was a well-known professor of philosophy who formed his own counter-religion, ministering mostly to the wealthy who richly rewarded him for assisting them in accepting their greed as good. It seems that Osho was a proponent of responsibility only to oneself.
Another friend who writes a spiritual blog wrote these words today:
Praise be to the Lord, to God our Savior, who daily bears our burdens (Ps. 68).
The Son of Man came not to be served, but to serve, and to give his life as a ransom for many (Matt. 20:28)
We all recognize that eating once in awhile is not enough to sustain our lives; we must be fed constantly in order to live. God's ministry to us is constant and on-going; He bends low to hear our cry and to meet our daily need. And if He asks us to serve Him, it is that we may imitate Him by serving his "sheep." Jesus asked Simon Peter to "feed [His] sheep." from the blog One Bird Watching by Gayle Nolan
I came to adulthood, marriage, and motherhood at the time that gurus spread across the land promoting self-fulfillment through the pursuit of pleasures, irresponsible sex, and drugs. Many of these gurus became wealthy and were apparently worshiped by their followers, even when it was obvious that the gurus were using their followers to feed their own greed. We seem to easily fall into the trap of deifying people who pretend to lift our burdens, while they are actually feeding themselves and their own egos.
Even saints are also sinners; no person is infallible. We must stop allowing those with the loudest voices and longest speeches to take over our consciousness. A truly spiritual person sets an example and then leaves their own spirit to continue to inspire us. He or she does not need the constant control of others to feel powerful.
Like a good grandmother who offers a peaceful place at her table to all who come, much of enlightenment happens when we are simply having our physical needs met. But we must be careful of those who offer easy fixes like mind altering substances and soulless sex, and feed our greed with fear of not enough to go around which leads to competition and hoarding.
A good grandmother offers assistance, but expects that the family values will be taken from her table to the hearts and minds of others. The spirit of the family is offered with the lovingly shared fruits of the labors of each member who contributed to the meal. Perhaps we should take the time to look at our own families and define what values we want to pass on as we pass the potatoes and peas.
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