My best friend from seventh grade sent this:
“We don’t see things as THEY are. We see things as WE are.”
Psychologists call it projection when we put our thoughts and feelings into the minds and hearts of others, believing that the other feels and thinks as we do. I believe this is also the basis of compassion, but can lead to what is called enmeshment where we can't tell where we end and the other begins.
I have almost destroyed myself and others with my attempts to have people see others and themselves as I see them.
There was a 1970 song by Melanie Safka with this verse:
"We were so close, there was no room
We bled inside each other's wounds
We all had caught the same disease
And we all sang the songs of peace."
As parents, good friends, and as marriage partners, it is important to know when to bond and when to allow each other our own space. This is not always easy to do, especially when we know that compassion is the only way to live a loving life.
My daughter and I used to call each other for what she jokingly called "mortal support." I am blessed, as is she, by a circle of friends that will join us in the three-legged relay race of life so that we don't have to be totally dependent on the "mortal support" coming only from each other. This is what community is about: those with whom we will bond and then let go as needed, trusting that we will each keep up the our parts on the path to the finish line of life.
I like to share my visions of life and the people I love through my rose-colored glasses, but I have to stop tying so many legs to my own, and dragging them along with me. It is true that we are all children of The Universe (that which is called God, Allah, Yahweh, etc.) but we are not all children of each other; that is why there are dads, moms, neighborhoods, church congregations, clubs, and families.
In my walk in life it has been hard to see
That I am not you and you are not me.
We each have our strengths and weaknesses too;
Neither of us holds the absolute truth.
I will share with you what you ask,
Be it thoughts or be it tasks.
And then I will go back to my space
Where you will always have a welcoming place.
Tuesday, December 6, 2011
Monday, December 5, 2011
The Gardens We're Given
We are each given a personal garden to tend.
There are some who have spouses and/or children,
And this is where their gardens end.
There are others who are asked to manage many
As teachers, doctors, trainers, or nurses,
And those who serve the people managers,
Helping them survive leadership's curses.
But every one of us must carefully define
The boundaries of our responsibilities,
Of the lives and gardens that are mine,
Based on who we and they were meant to be.
Only then will our gardens bear good fruit,
As we prune away the dead wood, we'll see
That our missions in life will follow suit.
There are some who have spouses and/or children,
And this is where their gardens end.
There are others who are asked to manage many
As teachers, doctors, trainers, or nurses,
And those who serve the people managers,
Helping them survive leadership's curses.
But every one of us must carefully define
The boundaries of our responsibilities,
Of the lives and gardens that are mine,
Based on who we and they were meant to be.
Only then will our gardens bear good fruit,
As we prune away the dead wood, we'll see
That our missions in life will follow suit.
Sunday, December 4, 2011
I Blog Because...
"In order to live, man must act; in order to act, he must make choices; in order to make choices, he must define a code of values; in order to define a code of values, he must know what he is and where he is – i.e. he must know his own nature (including his means of knowledge) and the nature of the universe in which he acts – i.e. he needs metaphysics, epistemology, ethics, which means: philosophy. He cannot escape from this need; his only alternative is whether the philosophy guiding him is to be chosen by his mind or by chance."
Ayn Rand, "Philosophy, who needs it?".
The purest definition of the word philosophy seems to be "The love of thinking." To think without a context is decidedly daydreaming, but to think within too close a context is purely prejudice.
To have a degree in philosophy does not mean that one has the love of thinking; it simply means that one has been exposed to many manners of thought. I have often been accused of being a philosopher by those much more educated than I. I was even told by one of my physicians that I should take up tennis instead of thinking. I tried, but my spasticity prohibited me from performing.
As I have aged, my body has left me few options outside of serious contemplation. The internet affords me options for study that I never even imagined when I was still a student. My association with many of wisdom and education has prepared me to discern with discrimination. I now feel as if I have much to offer in the way of words of wisdom, not gleaned only from my experience, but from my education at the knee of those who offered their knowledge to me. I have been both their Mary and their Martha, feeding their bodies and accepting the feeding of my soul.
I blog because I feel I have much to say, as a reporter, not as an expert. I invite all to offer their comments and critique, but, as I asked of my children, keep the comments respectful.
Ayn Rand, "Philosophy, who needs it?".
The purest definition of the word philosophy seems to be "The love of thinking." To think without a context is decidedly daydreaming, but to think within too close a context is purely prejudice.
To have a degree in philosophy does not mean that one has the love of thinking; it simply means that one has been exposed to many manners of thought. I have often been accused of being a philosopher by those much more educated than I. I was even told by one of my physicians that I should take up tennis instead of thinking. I tried, but my spasticity prohibited me from performing.
As I have aged, my body has left me few options outside of serious contemplation. The internet affords me options for study that I never even imagined when I was still a student. My association with many of wisdom and education has prepared me to discern with discrimination. I now feel as if I have much to offer in the way of words of wisdom, not gleaned only from my experience, but from my education at the knee of those who offered their knowledge to me. I have been both their Mary and their Martha, feeding their bodies and accepting the feeding of my soul.
I blog because I feel I have much to say, as a reporter, not as an expert. I invite all to offer their comments and critique, but, as I asked of my children, keep the comments respectful.
Saturday, December 3, 2011
Divininity in Darkness
Every breath of autumn's clear, crisp air, every dapple of the sun
Speaks to me of the majesty of The All Powerful One.
Every dimple on a child's smiling face, every tear in a baby's eye
Is something that I seek to embrace as a reason to continue to try.
Every trill of birdsong, the pelicans bobbing on the waves,
Let me know that it is the life we embrace that saves.
I say I'm comfortable with accepting the Eternal Mystery
Of what or who The Eternal Energy of The Spirit must be.
But from limits to God's faces, my soul is free;
I look for This Energy in all I am privileged to see.
But if I truly could accept the deepest unknown
Wouldn't dark nights, like day, feel like home?
Perhaps this is the lesson I have yet to embrace:
That there is Eternal Energy in the darkest place.
We seek out The Spirit in love and in light,
But we must learn to find peace in the darkest night.
Only then will we find balance in our present life,
And stop fearing and hiding from times of strife.
Speaks to me of the majesty of The All Powerful One.
Every dimple on a child's smiling face, every tear in a baby's eye
Is something that I seek to embrace as a reason to continue to try.
Every trill of birdsong, the pelicans bobbing on the waves,
Let me know that it is the life we embrace that saves.
I say I'm comfortable with accepting the Eternal Mystery
Of what or who The Eternal Energy of The Spirit must be.
But from limits to God's faces, my soul is free;
I look for This Energy in all I am privileged to see.
But if I truly could accept the deepest unknown
Wouldn't dark nights, like day, feel like home?
Perhaps this is the lesson I have yet to embrace:
That there is Eternal Energy in the darkest place.
We seek out The Spirit in love and in light,
But we must learn to find peace in the darkest night.
Only then will we find balance in our present life,
And stop fearing and hiding from times of strife.
Friday, December 2, 2011
Words Which Forever Fester
Words may hurt and words may heal,
Once spoken, they're forever real.
Those who often speak carelessly
Perhaps don't see what I think I see:
The wounds that will bleed forever
Because someone was being clever.
Maybe they see in others more strength
Than the vision of self which some were sent.
Those who belong to a successful tribe
Have an identity on which they thrive.
They think nothing of rejecting others;
They don't feel called to be earth mothers.
Those who had no parents to protect them
Feel the pain when others reject them.
They cannot stand strong and true
In the face of careless things people do.
They suffer from society's rejection
Because they ask for more introspection.
The bearer of bad news soon becomes
The person from whom others quickly run.
If you point out problems you will be
The problem from whom other people flee.
You must begin to hide from all who embrace
The shaming of others to save their own face.
The greatest message I see in Christianity
Is permission, from our ancestors, to break free.
We can choose who we follow and who we'll be
Based on our personal gifts and ability.
It is up to me to choose an accepting society
Based on the life values held dear by me.
Once spoken, they're forever real.
Those who often speak carelessly
Perhaps don't see what I think I see:
The wounds that will bleed forever
Because someone was being clever.
Maybe they see in others more strength
Than the vision of self which some were sent.
Those who belong to a successful tribe
Have an identity on which they thrive.
They think nothing of rejecting others;
They don't feel called to be earth mothers.
Those who had no parents to protect them
Feel the pain when others reject them.
They cannot stand strong and true
In the face of careless things people do.
They suffer from society's rejection
Because they ask for more introspection.
The bearer of bad news soon becomes
The person from whom others quickly run.
If you point out problems you will be
The problem from whom other people flee.
You must begin to hide from all who embrace
The shaming of others to save their own face.
The greatest message I see in Christianity
Is permission, from our ancestors, to break free.
We can choose who we follow and who we'll be
Based on our personal gifts and ability.
It is up to me to choose an accepting society
Based on the life values held dear by me.
Thursday, December 1, 2011
Marvelous Majesty
I don't think evening can get more beautiful.
Can I stand this much glory when my heart is full?
I've surely already died and then to heaven gone
The water, sky, and sea are all gloried as one.
The pelicans feasting on fish before night begins,
Are part of the circle of life, beginning and end.
The Marvelous Majesty in the golden rays of the sun;
I imagine it was there before the earth was begun.
People on the promenade hurry home to loved ones,
As early animals did before our civilization was begun.
Birds find their nesting places in the trees on the grounds;
The feral cats hunt for the prey that in them abound.
I've loved what I could see as I looked upon the day,
But I know that none of these moments are here to stay,
Except in the memories as we welcome the dark of night
A vision of life's wonder in which I wish to delight.
Can I stand this much glory when my heart is full?
I've surely already died and then to heaven gone
The water, sky, and sea are all gloried as one.
The pelicans feasting on fish before night begins,
Are part of the circle of life, beginning and end.
The Marvelous Majesty in the golden rays of the sun;
I imagine it was there before the earth was begun.
People on the promenade hurry home to loved ones,
As early animals did before our civilization was begun.
Birds find their nesting places in the trees on the grounds;
The feral cats hunt for the prey that in them abound.
I've loved what I could see as I looked upon the day,
But I know that none of these moments are here to stay,
Except in the memories as we welcome the dark of night
A vision of life's wonder in which I wish to delight.
Wednesday, November 30, 2011
The Divine State of Mind
A recently rediscovered childhood friend sent this to me:
"Namasté :
I honor the place in you in which the entire universe dwells. I honor the place in you which is of love, of truth, of light and of peace. When you are in that place in you and I am in that place in you and I am in that place in me, we are one."
I looked up the term Namasté and found that this is one interpretation of the meaning of this Hindu greeting. All definitions seem to refer to the honoring of the divinity in each other. I am struck by the contrast between this and the belief system on which I was raised in which we are always praying for some small part of divinity to visit us with little hope that it would stay around for long.
It seems that the difference in my culture and the Hindu culture can be summed up as: We look for our faces on that of The Almighty; where they are always seeing The Almighty in each other's faces. Perhaps that is why we have been so sure that God is an angry man for so many millenia. We were busy putting our earthly power provinces on god instead of looking for The Eternal in each other. As King Arthur said in Camelot: Might doesn't make right, but right does make might.
"Namasté :
I honor the place in you in which the entire universe dwells. I honor the place in you which is of love, of truth, of light and of peace. When you are in that place in you and I am in that place in you and I am in that place in me, we are one."
I looked up the term Namasté and found that this is one interpretation of the meaning of this Hindu greeting. All definitions seem to refer to the honoring of the divinity in each other. I am struck by the contrast between this and the belief system on which I was raised in which we are always praying for some small part of divinity to visit us with little hope that it would stay around for long.
It seems that the difference in my culture and the Hindu culture can be summed up as: We look for our faces on that of The Almighty; where they are always seeing The Almighty in each other's faces. Perhaps that is why we have been so sure that God is an angry man for so many millenia. We were busy putting our earthly power provinces on god instead of looking for The Eternal in each other. As King Arthur said in Camelot: Might doesn't make right, but right does make might.
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