Diana's Disaster

As a person who lost my home and neighborhood to a dreadful hurricane called Katrina, I am always amazed at the people who use these disasters to tout their own superiority as "Christians" who are protected by their favor with "God." Are the states of New York and New Jersey part of that 47% who are simply choosing to define themselves as victims? Or maybe their "sinful" ways have brought the wrath of "God" upon them?

For me, Hurricane Sandy is Diana's personal disaster. I am grateful for every tax-paying citizen's money that funds FEMA efforts that assisted my state after Hurricane Katrina, and is in the trenches helping my cousin's state of New Jersey. They need a lot more than FEMA, however.

My first cousin Diana and her husband Keith have spent their whole adult lives advocating for children and troubled families. Each of them works professionally for organizations that assist these populations. They adopted three beautiful children and are now grandparents of a darling granddaughter. They have a grown son, a daughter working in the film industry after obtaining her degree, and another daughter in college.  They are highly educated taxpayers, just like so many of you. They choose to use their skills for the greater good, rather than in the for-profit corporate sector.

The headquarters and staff of my cousin's organization has been hit hard by this hurricane. She has not run away; she is at the office coordinating efforts to help her staff and the many people she serves. I am so proud that she has asked me to assist in her efforts to assist her population.

Here is what she wrote to me about her organization:

About 80% of my staff are without power, heat, hot water, phone and internet...And of course millions of other NJ residents are as well...Our offices were without power or phones until yesterday afternoon. We are opening today with a skeleton crew and trying to help families.

We are starting up a fund to help families who have children with special needs who may have lost equipment, special food and nutritional supplements, etc., So you can certainly make a tax-deductible contribution to the Statewide Parent Advocacy Network and put "Sandy" in the notes line. Address is below.

Hope you are well.

Diana MTK Autin, Executive Co-Director
Statewide Parent Advocacy Network
35 Halsey Street, Newark, NJ 07102
973-642-8100 x 105
diana.autin@spannj.org
www.spannj.org

Empowered Parents: Educated, Engaged, Effective!

Prejudices of the Past

I wonder how much hell on earth is about living the pasts and fears of others?
So many of the fears that we experience were passed down from fathers and mothers.
Those who preach a jealous, wrathful "God" are programming their children to quake
Whenever faced with any decisions that leave any doubt in their wakes.

If "God" destroys or saves a whole nation on the actions of one human,
How are we to believe that about justice "He" gives a damn?I don't believe that one human's actions has ever helped control the tides,
Even though this is a belief in which many scriptural stories abide.

I have become, from gurus, shamans, and priests divorced;
I now believe that all energy is part of a balancing force.
Nothing on earth ever loses all its life; it is simply redistributed;
The balance is positive or negative, based on the lives we've lived.

We too strongly hold on to the action of simply breathing;
We are too set on recreating ourselves by conceiving.
When we realize that death is not an entry into nothingness,
We may be able to false promises of individual reward resist.

I much prefer to believe that each of us is born as a relatively blank slate,
And that we can pick the people and energies to which we'll relate.
This fear that only so many are born as God's chosen people and friends
Creates a competitive environment that leads us not to seek to make amends.

When we realize that the Energy we absorb and the Energy that we give
Is the Energy that has continued the breath of life since the first life was lived,
We can stop attempting to "one up" each other in the eyes of "God."
And give all others an equal hand of friendship on the earth we all trod.

Quilting for Comfort

I'm so excited. I have another commitment for a listening group for the Parliament of World Religions. This one will be in Coker Creek, a hotbed of conservative Christians. The thing is that many of the participants are transplants from other areas of the country. They are a community of quilters who belong to different (or no) churches; their focus is offering children in crisis comfort through handmade quilts. It will be interesting to hear what they have to say about ways they see of healing our mother earth.

I've often wondered how much therapy is actually accomplished through groups of women with needles. I know that some of these women have survived some really tough times through the sharing of their lives with other ladies. I wish that they could quilt their ways to world peace. Maybe comforting with quilts is a way to start.

Crowds, Corporations, and Conscience

Neither crowds nor corporations have a collective conscience; conscience is something that only imbues individuals. And happiness is always fleeting, as it presupposes the attainment of a specific point of pleasure. Human beings experience contentment when they are serving their greater values. This presupposes a mission in life in which one is following one's individual conscience. This pursuit is always a journey, never a contest for a finish line.

Democracy can only be better than other forms of government when we engage our individual consciences toward a greater good, both now and in future generations. Justice will only prevail when we stop believing that Christianity is a contest for who has the place closest to God in heaven. It seems to be each of our individual imperatives in a just world that we use the burning embers of our own individual consciences to help ignite the faltering flames of those around us. Already burning bonfires will continue to burn on their own, finding their own fuel.

The mission fields that we are all called to serve are outside of the doors of our churches, in every interaction we have with every point and person in creation. The energy we impart will continue in all of creation that we touch. We must each ask ourselves, "Am I a catalyst for justice or simply a part of a crowd?"

Faith, Fretting, and Family

Another Sacred Sunday, when we cooked together for family,
Something we both enjoy doing, my marvelous man and me.
Took food down to the bayou country to my uncle and aunt;
Cousins came by to share laughter and our own old folk rants.

Soon they, too, will be retired with grandchildren to chase
May we all learn to handle life's reins with their mom's grace.
She scolded, but has never been one to punish or reject us;
She and her husband were always available to guide and protect us.

They have overcome obstacles that would have brought us to our knees.
Eventually we will, without them, face the big responsibilities.
They have certainly not been perfect, but they have been steadfast,
Proof that communities of strong shared faith can make a family last.

They had many dedicated family and church members around them;
Their children had many fathers, mothers, and trusted friends.
There was order, protection and guidelines shared by all,
Many to share the burdens if one in-charge adult should fall.

When we were there, we were cherished as their own,
Not by all in their community, but in my aunt and uncle's home.
When we will have to take the reigns hasn't been decided.
I wonder if they still see us as the children that they guided.

Will we know when it is time for us to stop looking to them?
Do they listen to our concerns now, as if we're simply equal friends?
We are so frustrated that to save our world, we weren't able,
We broke my aunt's policy that only good is talked about at table.

She allowed the concerned conversations to flow; was she relieved
That we're willing to continue to fight for the values in which they believe?
Will they leave this world with confidence that it is in capable hands,
That we'll carry on for future children the as responsible adults they planned?

What America Is Able to Sustain

What seems to work best in the United States of America is our tax payer dollars (sometimes referred to as "the government") acting as catalysts for changes that a majority of citizens support. What seems to kill our efforts at change are the career opportunists, otherwise known as politicians and corporate titans. Was this system what our founders envisioned. If so, we need to start over.

Many new ideas need a bit of help to get off the ground; it is then incumbent upon the inventors of the systems and those who work with them to prove their efficacy. Anything that changes too quickly for the natural environment to acclimate is doomed to kill its host or be plucked out and destroyed or transplanted to a more accepting environment. Where did we lose this pattern of responsible, compassionate growth?

In my many years of working with non-profit corporations, we were bound by our investors (funders) to prove that their investments were bearing the fruit we promised. Borrowing big bucks against a promise of a better tomorrow if we simply combined several failing ideas wasn't even considered an option. Why is it that capitalism isn't held accountable for the failure of the same "too big to fail" concept?

I have often been asked by my nieces and nephews if my husband and I are "rich." While he and/or I was dependent on working everyday for our survival, I explained to them that only those who can live off the work of others are "rich." Now that my husband has been retired for over a decade, I guess we can consider ourselves "rich."

Let me explain. First, he put off any romantic liaisons until I came along when he was forty-six years old. He studied, worked, and saved his financial resources until then. He knew his own strengths. The one request he gave me upon our entering into a betrothal was that I not become a profligate spender, as many of the wives of his peers seemed to be. He handed over the financial reigns to me upon our betrothal. Was this to prove my worthiness? I'll never know.

In Louisiana, marriages are governed by the concept of community property. This ensures that each partner in marriage is entitled to one half of the marital assets in the eventuality of a divorce. Not all states have this law. For many years, either he or I earned the living as the other partner kept up with the business of the finances, home, social, and societal lifestyle that we agreed was valuable. This is the system that we employ until today.

Because my husband had worked so hard for the many years that I had been rearing my children and reaping the rewards of my many relationship mistakes, I insisted on our having a prenuptial agreement to protect him. We are still happily married after over twenty years of being together. I like to believe that it is because we had an equal and mutual investment in the success of the societies in which we each operated.

We are now living off of, not only what we worked for all those years and invested, but the promise of Medicare and Social Security into which we invested. He has already lived so much longer than the originators envisioned that my children's and his niece's taxes are paying for these benefits. The bulk of our income still comes from investments that he made before my entry into his life. We both continue to do our parts in investment in community volunteer efforts to pay our ways, even though we know it can never be enough. We are fortunate that we were not victims of the corporate greed that wiped out so many pension funds.

Corporations and their titans make their money on the backs of others. Politicians barter for the same portfolio protections that they give their corporate cronies. The only investments that are not bubbles waiting to burst or the ones that invest in new ideas and growth of people's abilities to produce and protect their communities. Manipulation of financial markets has destroyed our incentives to invest in invention and hard work. Employee-owned businesses can build communities; corporations are created to protect the greedy from consequences of their irresponsible and reprehensible actions.

A catalyst is not the same as a crutch. If we have no core strength, whether as an appendage, an organ, a person, a plan, or a community, we will not succeed. Without stress and disciple nothing grows or succeeds.  Bad seeds beget bad stock. Corporations continue to produce and plant the bad seeds of unfettered greed.

When will we begin to learn that all of creation works by the same principles, and that it is not wrong to inhibit the procreation or permanently transplant invasive species to a less destructive environment? When will we learn the there is a time for growth and a time to turn our energies back to allowing new life to prosper? Corporations are killing the American spirit. We must wake up to the value of honest work, and give up on all the "get-rich-quick" schemes that corporations and politicians promise us, but keep for only themselves.

Every person and society is governed by the values in which we were reared. What are the current values of our country, other that those promoted by Ayn Rand in her anti-compassionate (anti-Christian) "Virtue of Selfishness" philosophy expounded upon in "Atlas Shrugged"? Thomas Jefferson, by-the-way, died deeply in debt, leaving it to his heirs to pay. He ran his vast estate on the backs of others and still couldn't sustain a manageable budget. This seems to be the true model of big business since America began.

Only a just society is sustainable. Our government should govern the greedy and promote dedicated use of all Divinely ordained gifts to humanity. Kill the corporations! Only this way can we save our great country from hypocrisy and greed!

"R" Ratings and Respect

I went yesterday to my high school alma mater to volunteer as an alumnus hostess at St. Mary's Dominican open house event. I was reminded of recent conversations I had with my daughter. I told her that I was thrilled to be invited to watch my granddaughter's perform, but I had no desire to watch her chaperon the children of other people. I wondered about how hypocritical it may seem to her that here I stood for over four hours observing anonymous parents adore their precious progeny.

I shouldn't admit this, but I'm actually a bit weary of my children's roles as parents. I more inclined to "R" rated stories than to the "G" rated version of life, unless the stories are nuanced on many layers, like those of Disney. As soon as the children are able to get all layers of the "hidden" messages, things can get quite tense about what is appropriate. At this point, my children are really not nearly as much fun when they're "in charge."

For many years, I was in as close a place as I could get to heaven whenever I was in the presence of my children parenting their progeny. It was pure pleasure knowing that my children were in charge, and that I had no responsibility for the outcomes of their decisions and directives. My children were both very protective of their rights to be the only voices of authority for their respective children. As the Bible says about God, they were "jealous" of their rights over their children.

Even before the children were left in my care at their own homes, I would have their parents reinforce to the children that Granny was "in charge" and that I was representing the parents in their absence. I was the "supervisor" not the "business owner." When the children were at our home, my husband and I were the big bosses, and the children and parents had to accommodate to this. We continued to step back on the usual minutia of rules, but there was a layer of what we expected in our home that was non-negotiable.

While in our children's homes, we have valiantly attempted to honor the same pattern of, "In your home, we honor your rules." This has caused much friction as the grandchildren have entered their teen years. My children have become super sensitive to my every action around their children and spouses. My daughter, at one time, told me that an old lady's job was to simply sit around and say whatever I want about her life. This simply does not work.

My children's families have all been around me enough to know what's on my mind without my saying a word. The twinkle in my eyes or the wrinkle of my nose can set off a storm. God forbid that I should open my mouth about anything, including the color of the couch.

Don't get me wrong; I do honor my children's positions as parents, but somehow I sense that my presence makes them feel weaker than they want to feel. I am thrilled that both of my children seem to be compassionate leaders bringing up more like themselves, but their power struggles can be hard to take sitting down. There's an old-fashioned authority figure in my that constantly wants to whack one, or all, of them.

Perhaps my friend Martha was right when she said that we should marry our children off when they're thirteen. The tensions in the wolves' den when there are all these people preparing for or protecting their alpha positions is simply too much drama for an overly opinionated old lady to accommodate.