Freedom and Free Will

Our country is about freedom to choose good over evil, not only about choosing legal or illegal. There are many things that I believe are wrong that are perfectly legal in our country, such as invitro-fertilization as long as there is even one unloved child needing a home.

I know that it's in our animal natures to want to replicate ourselves, but our gift and privilege as humans is that we are free to choose to act by something other than instinct and copying our ancestors. It is incumbent on each of us, as parents, to instill our values by our examples and allow only the freedoms to our children that we feel they are prepared to handle, as they are able to handle them.

As a parent, it made it very difficult to impose any values in my home without the back pressure on my children of the law. Complicating the issue was the fact that the father of my children, from whom I had been divorced before my son's second year, and I had many opposing values. The best I could do was to impress upon my children my expectation that they follow my values in my home.

The law said that, at thirteen, my son was old enough to decide with which parent he wanted to live. My son asked to live with his dad when he reached the age of fourteen. I felt that it was time that I allow him to test his own values and decide which of his dad's values he would incorporate into his journey into manhood. I released him to his father, five hundred miles from my home.

The transition for both my son and his father was extremely rocky, as they had never really lived together as father and son. I ended up relocating in order to referee their power struggles as my son "made his bones," as a man. Many was the time he came to me bragging about what his father allowed him to do, knowing full well how it would upset me. My reply to him was, "You know my rules. Don't blame your behaviors on your dad. You can choose which rules to follow." All I could do was pray that he would be faithful to his higher, more intelligent self.

Here is my point: Simply because something is within, or even required by the law, doesn't mean we have to embrace it. We should, however, be willing to accept the outcome of our actions. People who protested the killing of innocent souls in Vietnam by refusing to join the draft were willing to pay with their own lives to change the law. People who were no longer willing to have their American citizen children spit on because of their skin color were willing to pay with their own lives to change the law. Women who want to love their children are willing to pay with their own lives to give birth to and nurture them, perhaps until the mother's own death. The moral fathers are willing to put their own lives on the line in defense of their families.

Because abortion is available, in any form, doesn't mean anyone has to take advantage of the offer. This is their right, even if we don't agree. Cocaine is available, but I choose not to use it. As a child of abuse, I believe it is worse to give birth to a child whose soul will be crushed by being unwanted than to be given back to God before birth.

As a friend of several women who have sought abortion instead of giving birth to babies' who had already been damaged by their own addictions, I understand that sometimes abortion is an act of responsibility for one's own weaknesses, which were probably passed on from their own parents. Until every child (even the un-pretty, terribly damaged child) is guaranteed a safe place to be nurtured until his or her death, I will continue to object to the parents of children (and children) in war and to the creation of animal life by artificial means leaving much unwanted potential human life, as well as to other forms of abortion.

My taxes pay for all of these efforts. It is the law of the land. I can choose to move to a cave in a country that still lives in the stone age, if I could find one, or I can continue to support the laws of our country and each person's right to follow their own faith and live with their own consequences, earthly and eternal.

Neither Hobby Lobby nor their insurance carrier is going to force anyone to take a pill or procedure that their free will doesn't choose. Would Hobby Lobby have the same objections to artificial means of conception that also produces more unwanted human potential?

We cannot expect the law to enforce our fear of the perceived weaknesses of others. We do not know what is in the hearts and souls of others. Sometimes all we can do is pray that we all become responsible for our own souls and let those of others take care of themselves. We can also walk the walk that we talk, by not judging anyone but ourselves.

Family as Life-Long Friendship

What a blessing it is in my life to "belong" to so many families. We are widely treated as honored members of "the elders" in these families. We've wiped the tears and butts of many of their babies who are now coming into adulthood. These can be tough years for marriages when the focus becomes the marriage again after so much time prioritizing children.

Most of us enter marriage and parenthood with no idea how to form honest relationships. We tend to operate on automatic impulses from our own upbringing. This is how animals have been parenting since the beginning. As we attempt to establish the values of two completely different sets of parents into our own families, we find that there are some diametrically opposed values that cannot be lived simultaneously. We tend to muddle along and one person sets the rules while the other builds resentments.

In functional families, the children have been given the strength and the tools to fight their own battles and make their own contracts with both parents. In non-functional families, all action must be cleared by only one elder. This causes division in the household, which soon breaks down into chaos. It is true that a house divided against itself will fall. Somehow, families survive, but marriages often don't thrive. Changes must be brought to bear or the marriage will simply fall apart around the children's and our own heads.

M. Scott Peck, in his book, A World Waiting to Be Born, writes about changing old systems. He says that all systems hide behind masks of pretense in order to keep harmony. In order for the societal system to change, people have to be willing to take off their masks. When the old patterns are discarded, chaos ensues. Because we are so uncomfortable with the unfamiliar, we tend to get frightened and run back behind our masks.

I believe that this is what is happening in many marriages and families, in fact in our world's society, today. We have discarded many of the old patriarchal masks and mindsets and are looking for honest ways to relate. There are growing pains which cause many to want to despair. They lobby for a return to the old familiar.

If we have a firm and achievable goal in mind, we can make our case for an end to the discomfort being a better place than the automatic actions of our pasts. Only then will the journey through chaos be worth attempting. It helps to have a committed support network in these endeavors.

Every relationship requires investment of time and energy. Marriage also requires emotion, empathy, and physical bonding. These last three are gifts of The Spirit. We must allow ourselves to be vulnerable to receiving these gifts from our partner; only then will we stop being afraid that what we give of ourselves won't be restored to us. We must be open to each other and looking toward The Holy in each other in order to become honestly bonded and unafraid to embrace mutual values with respect.

It is never too late to begin again, as long as both parties are willing to commit to a sacred contract of seeking The Holy in Holy Matrimony. What we give of ourselves in a sacred bond will return to us many fold in the form of life-long friendship.

Religions and Roots

"And if the roots are sufficiently damaged or smothered by layers and layers of dirt, as in construction, the tree will eventually die, no matter how well-established or strong it has been." - Gayle Nolan, OneBirdWatching.blogspot.com

It seems to me that this is what happens to "the faith like that of a child" in generation after generation of humanity. We hand the big job of defining god over to "grown-ups" who pile rules and regulations that are actually human societal inventions onto the innocent trust that nurtured children have. We pretend to have answers for those things that we can't understand in order to impress our children with our wisdom and power. Enough generations of piling one fear-based story on top of another eventually crushes the pure faith of children under it's weigh, smothering The Holy Spirit in their souls.

Perhaps we'd do better as a people if we asked children to define god for us, instead of the other way around. Maybe we'd get closer to the truth, and maybe the uncountable numbers of underground capillary roots put out by the world's children would bring new nourishment into the Eternal Vine of Divinity.

Perhaps it is time that we allow the old leaves and fruit to fall to the ground and nourish the new life with its wisdom and history. Perhaps we should encourage inter-religious marriages to ensure "hybrid vigor" in our quest for the experience of The Holy Spirit for all nations and all generations.

I was taught, as a child, that even my closest relations could not go to heaven if they weren't practicing Roman Catholics. Others believe that the name of Jesus has to be on the lips of anyone wishing to see God. Religions throughout history seem to all have had some version of damnation if you were different. The rules were tightened ever more securely to scare children out of drifting away from their own tribes and the ways that were comfortable for their elders. Some now say that our religions were wrong in this, but how many small souls were destroyed in the interim?

If we really want to see The Sacred Spirit, perhaps we should look into the faces of the small, innocent children. And perhaps we should stop behaving as if our own deaths will be the end of the nourishment we can offer to the roots of our faith. I would like my life to count for something, even if my death is the best way to give life back to the children of the next generation. We must trust that the new roots growing in the soil of our old faiths will grow toward Eternal Light without our continued pruning and prodding.

The new fruit may be a hybrid that is unimaginably sweet and satisfying. This is my hope and prayer for the future.

Every Day Real Time Resolutions

What are we to think about the fathers of our religions committing all manner of what we today consider grave sins of incest, adultery, and murder. I suppose we are to see that religion is an evolutionary process, never stagnant. I assume that we are to continue looking for the sacred scriptures that will guide us in each generation. Who is enlightened enough to choose which scriptures of today are to be codified as sacred?

Where are today's books of beliefs that guide us toward peace? Who is creating words for the covenants that must be accepted as Divine for the world to see that we are all responsible for leading our world toward a safe place for all humanity? Even those who call themselves Christians continue to kill in the name of their "God." Is this simply where we are in the evolution of human ability to embrace and follow the Divine Spirit to Peace on Earth?

Every day, let us begin again, not simply on New Year's Day. Let us consciously take steps toward understanding and equality. Let us choose to have respectful dialog, even with our enemies. If warring nations can come up with treaties for wartime agreement and cease fires for specified periods, why can we not work out an everlasting treaty for the protection of all children worldwide?

Fear begets rage. Let us offer up our fear in favor of faith in the real possibility of a peaceful future. My belief is that well cared for and protected children will grow up lacking the rage that it takes to embrace hate and the harming of other humans. Plan parenting for use of excess resources, not simply for propagation of our own, supposedly superior, genetics.Turn off the tongues that force fear into our ears and those of our children. If we believe in and embrace the goodness in each other, peace can eventually prevail.

A New Year of Light, Love, and Laughter

I have spent my adult lifetime purposely erasing all earthly images of Divinity from my mind. I had been taught so many false images of what God looks and sounds like, that I felt I needed to start over without physical images in order to accept the pure Spirit that I know lived in me before I was "taught" about God.

I opened my heart and soul as wide as I could and the pain that came pouring in, literally, brought me to my knees. I was awash with the living memories of all the false promises of faith, family, and forgiveness. Sometimes one at a time and sometimes in groups, the demons of my lifetime came back to taunt me: People who used my penitence to enter my soul and suck it dry for their own aggrandizement or physical pleasure, people who attempted to hide behind me while continuing to pursue pleasure at the expense of others and  themselves, people who sought to take away my joy because they apparently felt it took something from them.

Many of these people, all the while, proclaimed their Christian caring for me with no attention to what their actions were doing to my Spirit. I simply had to come back to my roots and face the fears from which I had run. I had to return to the Spirit of my six-year-old self and, once more, become open to comforting of the Baby Jesus inside myself. Nobody needed me to be the mother or the big sister to them. I could revisit my most vulnerable self in the warm glow of protection of my sacred spouse and my safest friendships. I am home in a way that I hadn't been in fifty-five years.

I looked to those whose visions of The Spirit seem to me most true. None of these are ivory tower academics or recognized as holy people or prophets. All of them are people who simply live life as an adventure. All of them are flesh and blood workers who will admit to their many failings as professionals, spouses, parents, and progeny. What they all have in common is humility and humor that they are willing to share with me and others.

How many times and how many crosses do each of us have to carry in this life? How many times are we brought to our knees in humility because we are powerless to "fix" ourselves, our spouses, our friends, our children, or our world? The people that I want to emulate are the ones who don't get angry with those who won't be "fixed" or at the world in general for making them feel weak.

The people that I want to emulate are the people who continue to be true to their best selves while holding out a hand and open heart to help others find their own Holy Spirits. I want to also emulate the people who never stop working at being their best selves and solving problems, while always aware that their wills are not necessarily what will happen. I want people in my life who understand the The Spirit is infinite and everlasting and that our lifetimes are meant to nurture the Holy Spirit in ourselves and in others and leave the world a bit better than we found it. It is not to "fix" everything that we see as wrong while we are here.

For these reasons, I have returned to my faithful friends who have known my soul since I was a child. We still recognize the innocent Holy Spirit in each other and love to play together in the safety of each other's friendship. Along the way, I have found other "playmates" who can still see the Spirit of innocence, wonder, and hope in their own souls and those of others; these too have become parts of my newly innocent soul. What could be more healing than that?

Today is the last day of 2012, a particularly challenging year for my husband. We are stronger in our combined Spirit than we have ever been. Tomorrow we begin again in the light, love, and laughter of each other and our friends, as we attempt to do every day. Mazel Tov and Happy New Year!

Pursuit of Passionate Perfection

How foolish human beings have been in discouraging human passion;
Positive channeling, I hope, will become the new religious fashion.
There are no feelings given us that can't be used for good,
If we simply use our human sense, as we always should.


Passionate people have an extra spark that is Divine intensity;
Their passionate pursuits portend who they are meant to be.
Our job as parents is to help our children to define
The best use of the natural gifts to which they are inclined.


A child who can't for long sit still, may one day fight fires;
Another who tells great stories, may attract a product's buyers.
One who laughs much, may work with the ill, lightening the mood.
Even the rage of an abused child can be channeled for other's good.

Who will sing the songs of joy and pain that we all feel
If we silence the voices of those who can help us heal?
Who will chase the babies as they run from us in glee
If  we've killed the wind in the sails of the children who ran free?

Who will scare away bullies when the vulnerable are attacked
If we take away the honor in the righteous fighting back?
How many drugs are used putting our passions to sleep
Instead of channeling them into endeavors we need to keep?

I write because no one any longer wants to hear my voice;
But to keep my thoughts silent, I do not have that choice.
The dancer must express emotion with a twirl and a dip,
Or capsize under the weight like a too-fully laden ship.

The cook must cook, the quilter quilt, the singer continue to sing,
Not only for others' pleasure, but for the release it brings.
There are always people to be protected by those who fight;
Let us help to channel the rage that turns injustices into right.

There are those who think they're super-heroes in their fantasies;
These dreams can be turned toward treating and curing disease.
There is no passion that cannot be turned to the pursuit of perfection;
It is time that we squelch the fears that lead to The Spirit's rejection.

Passionate Perfection

When I was young there were rules for everything, from how to draw a tree to how to be me.
When I had children, the rules had been changed; a tree looked like what my child could see.
I learned to look at life through the lenses of my children and the children they brought home;
I felt that by allowing them such freedom of expression, they would not be tempted to roam.

As they grew and sprouted their own wings, I blessed the wind beneath them.
Our relationships evolved at this time, from parent and children to friends.
I was honored to be included in their circles of parenting communities;
The memories of these sacred times, will from my soul, never be freed.

There is nothing in life so sacred as to be trusted as a mother,
With whom is shared the care and nurturing of the child of another.
I am so very fortunate that the man with whom I now live
Had stored up so much fatherly love that he was happy to give.

There is a saying that the most precious gift a father can give a child
Is the love that protects mother's body and soul to feel safe from the wild.
I have had the privilege of helping mother many who aren't my own,
Through the grace of my loving husband sharing our peaceful home.

We are now a childless couple for the first time in our marriage;
This new way of living as a couple, we will not ever disparage.
Our children and grands are grown; our parents are all deceased
Our primary responsibilities to others have long-since ceased.

We have freedom to plan adventures without concern for others,
And enjoy each others' antics like carefree sisters and brothers.
While it is true that I still long for the sweetness of baby slobbers,
I wouldn't trade the memories we're making for any of the others.

This is the joy of having our lives led by our Holiest Spirits;
The Voice is free to whisper and shout until we are able to hear it.
Some hear the Voice in church, others walking in the woods;
We know that it is The Sacred when it leads us to share in good.

So paint me a purple tree, if this is what your soul sees;
Kick a speeding soccer ball as hard as you may please;
Twirl like a whirling dervish, if it helps you to express
Your passionate gratitude through which we are all blessed.