I thought I'd float forever on a
sea of endless love;
I had long felt the comfort of a
Divine rudder.
It was only when my children had no
need for me
That I realized my mission had been
that of mother.
Now that my motherhood ship has
sailed,
The wind is stilled beneath my
wings.
Even the grandchildren are
outgrowing
Their capacity to freely, joyously
sing.
How I miss the magic moments of
solidarity
With the pure wonder of the light in their eyes,
And
how I long for observing them,
And,
by their brilliance, being ever surprised.
How
wonderful were the days and years
When
I was treated as a rock star
And
for celebrations of family life
I
never had to go very far.
I am
now expected to act like a lady,
Have
grandmotherly dignity,
Instead
of enjoying with wild abandon,
Having
no parental responsibility.
All
I want to do is observe their growth,
While
I watch their lives' celebrations.
I'd
like to be allowed to share with them
The
wisdom of my own generation.
Some act as if I'll harm their
children,
As though I'm a godless, heathen
whore.
Is this because my face of The
Divine
Is one of which they aren't sure?
How can they not understand
Where my Divine Energy comes from?
They would know if, from the
sound
Of my words, they didn't continue
to run.
It is true that I hold in my heart
Many memories which nobody should
see.
My history is what makes me who I
am;
I cannot from myself be set free.
This history reads like a Biblical
account
Of the perversions of humanity.
It has been my life's lonely work
To keep my children, from these,
free.
I am desperate, at times, to
protect
The children from potential
dangers,
Especially harm coming from family
and friends,
More lethal than that from
strangers.
I
watch other families through my window,
Those
that I cannot reach out and touch,
Knowing
if I begin to love them,
I
will surely love them too much.
I
will care too much what happens to them,
Though,
their lives, I have no hope of affecting,
And
if my prophesies of danger come true,
It's
me that they'll be rejecting.
I
am so grateful that my husband
Still
has wonder like that of a child.
The
miracles of creation still excite him;
With
him, I'm allowed to be wild.
He
is not afraid of the Great Spirit
That
abides within my deepest soul.
He
says that my fire is the catalyst
That
makes his existence whole.
I think sometimes caring too much appears to the children as 'Wanting to always be in control', wondering when will be my time to be in control. LOL But, what goes around, comes around. We all face it.
ReplyDeleteThe option is to head off into the sunset, oh yeah, you done that. hahahahahahahaha
Love from Pennsylvania.