Reminiscences from A Riverside Retreat

My friend curls up at her Riverside Retreat,

Caring enough to stay up late and talk.

She has the courage to speak her mind

But I think she needs to stop running and walk.

She continues to look for mountains to climb;

She seems to want to ford every stream.

I fear she’ll never find any lasting peace,

Pursuing, on this earth, an impossible dream.

Each of us is only given so much garden to tend;

We must seek and honor that garden’s boundaries.

None of us is meant to tend our gardens alone

This is why humans create families.

My friend has a husband who loves her and their child;

So much of him lives well in their daughter.

She may succeed in divorcing the man

But in their child, she’ll still deal with the father.

The question I'm not sure she has asked
Is, "Do I even want to be married?"
Marriage means sometimes we carry the other,
And allow ourselves to be sometimes carried.

I have given up the fantasy that all marriages

Fit into a convenient relationship mold.

Loving each other through loving others

Is not what the romantics foretold.

We were taught to love only each other and our church;

The children were a cross all lovers had to bear.

But I have seen even hate-filled relationships

Become healed by others who deeply care.

Rather than setting our children against themselves,

Many grievances should remain unspoken.

Blessed are the children who receive love,

Even though their parents are quite broken.

Our prejudices and sinful selves may be passed on,

But family honoring of ancestors is often overrated.

When we encourage our children to become their best selves,

Children can truly love some that their families hated.

While it is true that some things can’t exist simultaneously,

We can all learn tolerance if we are strong in our own values.

If we aren’t afraid of losing our own boundaries,

Loving those we disagree with is something we can choose.

Breaking and Beginning

We went to see some of our family,
Some for him, and one for me.
It took us twenty years for them to see
That we'll, forever, a couple be.

Even though this may sound strange,
I think his brother's death made this change.
Did the children need their dad's permission
To let another male family figure in?

Or was it Richard who was afraid
To open his heart and get waylaid?
Did his brother's death finally force him
To let the love of other family in?

Or was it that I finally gave up
Trying to fill his long-empty cup
With people who have been close to me,
With whom he feels little history?

I have often said that I'm afraid
Of the feelings he hasn't said.
Once a dam is broken above a town,
The too fast floods will cause people to drown.

There are many who love him, but he is frozen;
He doesn't know what they want from him.
It makes me sad that he offers so much,
But doesn't reach out to receive others touch.

His deep well of kindness and caring
Has always been here for the sharing.
Now that my family has broken our hearts,
In the fissures, will there be new starts?

Celebration of The Spirit of Life Within

How much easier it must be to follow a religion that has a physical mentor,
Not simply a preacher or a teacher, but one who has shown the way.
What we of the Abrahamic religions have is a long historical record
Where covenants and children are tracked from generation to generation.
Can the followers of Krishna, Buddha, Socrates, or Plato say the same?

It seems to me that for many years and many generations of people
We Abrahamics couldn't countenance sanctity without blood sacrifice.
The scriptures seemed to continue to tell the same tale of salvation:
We needed to move toward a way to see The Spirit in one another,
But they continued to fight for space and favor in earthly entities.

I believe that showing us the Spirit of Peace is the mission of The Christ.
I believe community cooperation and celebration is the path to peace
I believe The Spirit is available in our fellow humans, if we look for It,
And that all of creation is there to help us develop earthly harmony.
I wish that we could stop looking for blood or land to bind us.

I wish we'd all join in the celebration of The Spirit of Life within.

Divine Dialog

Thank you, Josie and Fred for your "reply to all" responses. Now, this is what I call a dialog.

 Fred wrote (to me instead of "reply to all"):
"I cannot speak from experience, and I hit a lot of ports!!! I have known a lot of sailors with casual hook ups, some with bad memories for them.

I have to agree with Richard, I think he thinks the truth"

Y to Jack: Yeah, Richard is very truthful. Sometimes it's scary.

Gayle to Y:

"So on which of these sacred texts do you base your beliefs?    Does each person get to define what is sacred Scripture to himself/herself?  Do we get to say, "I accept this section of the text, but I reject that one?"  How do we know which parts are sacred?  What is the defining criteria for accepting one part as sacred but not another?"

Y to Gayle:
I don't know the answers. My problem is with people who think that any one person or group of people has the absolute answers for all peoples, in all places, and all times.

The reason I began this blog is that I am hoping to hear more of the stories of the sacred in the lives of those who may never have been exposed to the religious traditions and scriptures to which I have been exposed.

Gayle to Y:
I've been thinking about this.  Here's my perspective.  If someone asked who Rachel (Ys daughter) is, it would depend upon who was answering the question.  Her daughters would say, "She's my mother;" her husband would say, "She's my wife;" her parents would say, "she's our daughter;" her friends would say, "She's our friend."  Everyone would know her from a different perspective, depending upon their relationship to her.  The question is, What would Rachel say about herself?  She would not deny any of the perspectives given; she would acknowledge all of them -- but she might want to add her own perspective about who she is. 

 

And the perspective that would most closely match her own words would probably be that of her friends, or at least of those who want only to enjoy her for who she is, not those who want something from her.  They want to bask in her light, her warmth, her funniness, her out-flowing enjoyment of life, her enjoyment of them.  When her children are grown, they will come to know her as more friend than mother; hopefully, her husband will come to the same relationship, as will her parents. 

 

Jesus said, "I no longer call you 'servants,' but friends, but a servant does not know what his master is doing."  In the Greek, the word he used here means both 'children' and 'servants,' for both had the same role in Greek and Roman society. 

 

So my point is this:  we are all standing in different relationship to God -- but if we really want to know who God is, we should at least hear what He says about Himself and be in the relationship of "friend" to Him.  The only people who know who we are are our friends. I am so fortunate in life that both my mother and I lived long enough for me to know her as friend.  That was a great gift -- but not one given to every child.  Hopefully, our relationship with God will grow to that level, but it may not.

Y to Gayle:

I do believe that humankind is driven to search for the sacred, or the image and likeness of The Divine in ourselves, in others, and in all of creation. I don't believe that The Holy Spirit would be available to only certain people of certain times and places.

I would love to attend a retreat of Many Faiths where people spoke from their own life experiences without reference to what has been written by others, except as a particular scripture relates to their own experience. I would also like to have The Divine spoken of without gender specific names.

Patience, Perspective and Respect and Responsibility

Fred wrote:This is one of your best articles yet.  I'm one of those men who loves and appreciates women for who they are and admire the skills and talents I see in many.  I'm sure that my view is different from many since my maternal grandmother was a preacher of the Gospel of Christ and held the rank of what is now called an "ordained licensed minister".  Also my Mother (at 91 years of age) continues to conduct evangelistic meetings, preaches from time to time as special guest in local churches and even at our denomination's Theological Seminary.  Quite naturally I support her (and others like her) in the struggle to be recognized for who they really are in clerical circles and in the world.

I have struggled with the ideas coming out of the feminist movement which you describe -as it seems to me they want to turn "Our Father" into "Our Mother".   There is only one God - and He is the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ.  We humans are not God although we can have God forgive our sins and come to dwell in our hearts.  That can only happen when we accept the Holy Scripture by faith.  

 

To Fred: While I am thrilled for those of you who have had the parenting that would lead you to have God manifest in the form of mother, father, brother, or any other human sense, I feel fortunate that I have been able to sense The Holy Spirit in my soul by moving past the manifestations that I was taught to be the only true states of Divinity.

I may be headed straight to hell for my beliefs, but I certainly hope not. I felt like I was in hell as long as I tried to experience The Spirit of Divinity in listening only to the mothers and fathers of my childhood religion and reading only The Judeo-Christian Bible without a historical and geographical perspective.

I treasure conversations with those learned in their religions so that I can find similarities in the sense of The Spirit among many faiths from many generations of trying to understand the greatest mysteries in life's continuum. I know that I am not a scholar, so if I can understand the essence of what a person learned in their faith is attempting to impart, I feel like others in our human state can also find some truth in the different manifestations of The Almighty. Maybe we can stop fighting over the face of that which is so awesome that we are not meant see the whole at any one time.

Maybe "seeing" manifestations of The Almighty is like the story of the elephant and the blind men. Each of us is experiencing only a small part. I'd like to stop fighting and start listening so that I, too, can "see" manifestations that others "see."

This takes patience, perspective and respect. I pray daily for all three. Holy Spirit, take my heart; Holy Spirit, take my head; Holy Spirit, take my tongue; AND MAKE MY WORDS YOURS INSTEAD.

Jack wrote: I still do not see in the near future humans being comfortable with men having many women friends and the same with women having a lot of men friends, for some reason WE as a generation find this concept hard to manage because of the jealousy and ego's of both sexes. Seems to work for awhile in some relationships then the BIG BANG, and not creation either.
Well at least that is how I have seen life.
I have no problem with equal pay, I can admit that many jobs are better done by women, but I still see a difference in the sexes where brute strength is required, on a continual basis.
Mentally? Many times I think mentally, men are dwarfs, and very narrow minded.

To Jack: My nieces tell me about male and female friends who "hook up" even though they're only "friends." While I don't condone casual "hook-up" sex, I do hope that this leads to people learning the difference between animal attraction and what it takes to build a partnership for parenting.

Richard told me early in our relationship that the difference between humans and other animals is the humans' ability to say "no" to animal instincts. Maybe not in my lifetime, but I hope we will train our young men that they are not, in fact, dogs with no self-control. There are many who believe that a thing is not wrong unless one is caught. For the fathers who spread their seed without thought, maybe DNA testing will be a wake-up call.

I also see differences in the sexes. I do, however, know that not all men are physical and not all women are emotional. I am simply grateful that we have begun the process of recognizing the gifts of every human, even if they are different from "the norm."

The Fallacy in Feminism

Ever since the dawn of the feminist movement, there has been much talk and writing about the Divine Feminine. There is a misconception in this movement that a female deity would necessarily be less competitive, more community-minded, and more honest. Those who promote these ideas have not really read history. Traditionally, women may use other talents in managing and manipulating others, but they are capable of bringing on as much destruction with their ways as are the most abusive of men.

Our animal selves only want for our own comfort and the survival of our selves in this and the next generation. Once our survival needs are met, we begin to look for comfort. The Divine in us is what helps us temper our desires and balance them against the needs of other creatures. The Divine in us is even willing to sacrifice our basic needs to the needs of others.

Even though I am not a feminist, I am seen as one by many because I will fight for the right to stand toe-to-toe with a man. I have mightily fought myself to overcome the wiles that I had been taught were the only way for a woman to get ahead in this world. I have worked hard to gain the trust of the men in my life and the trust of their women. I can truly say that I have many male friends; something that my generation taught was impossible.

The men of my generation still struggle with the concept that they can be friends with women. I believe this will continue as long as women and men continue to discount the importance of each others gifts. In the animal kingdom males are good only for procreation and protection. The male young are usually killed at birth, as it takes very few males to propagate and protect a population. We humans wait until our males are grown, and then send them to be slaughtered.

When we begin seeing ourselves as fully human by tapping into and sharing our Divinity, we will hopefully recognize that The Divine is neither male nor female, but a synergy of all the creative energies in the universe. There seems to be consensus that the whole universe has one single origin that some call God, some Yahweh, some Allah, some The Great Mother, some The Big Bang. I am comfortable with calling this source of energy The Spirit and The Divine.

The Spirit and Scripture

Fred wrote:
"Ephesians 2:8,9 "8 For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God: 9 Not of works, lest any man should boast."

We do good deeds because we have been forgiven. He who is forgiven much, loves much. And after we have done everything we can do we must say, "It was our duty." In other words, it earned no "brownie points". It is not grace and works that saves us. It is grace alone. Our good deeds are a response to the grace of God"

It seems to me that it is not boasting to say that we feel compelled by The Spirit to use our gifts to help humanity. I have a hard time believing that anyone who simply hoards their grace is in any way improving the positive power in the universe. I believe that when we are truly listening for the "voice" of The Spirit, we are compelled to do good. "Every time I feel The Spirit moving in my heart, I'm afraid."

Just as  writer feels compelled to write, a singer feels compelled to sing, and a scientist feels compelled to seek answers, a person with The Spirit feels compelled to act in compassion for creation.There can be no peace without turning that Spirit into action.

Gayle wrote:

We do not necessarily need to read Scripture to hear the voice of God in our innermost being.  What Scripture does is confirm to us that it was God speaking, and not our own voice.  It is hard to learn to trust that inner voice without having Scripture to confirm it.  But when we have heard God speaking, and then He leads us to a particular verse that we did not even know existed, then and only then do we begin to have confidence that we are hearing God and not ourselves.  The process is a kind of "school of the Holy Spirit."  What is required is that we desire to learn, that we desire to hear, that we pray, "Lord, I want to see You;" "Lord, I want to hear You."  This kind of prayer will not go unanswered.

I have long had problems with subscribing to the notion that only some of the universe is privy to the "voice" of The Spirit, and that this voice must be previously written by others to be the true voice of The Spirit of Divinity. I have experienced too much evidence to the contrary. This is why I believe that we must expand our acceptance of what we consider "sacred" scripture.

I believe we are baptized in The Spirit of our community before our births. The Spirit imparted with the waters of our mothers wombs, when we are conceived in loving commitment, will sustain us as long as that love is kept alive. Fathers must commit to feeding this fire of loving commitment in order for The Spirits of the mothers and babies to thrive.

Communities must commit to supporting and nurturing these commitments. I have as much issue with selling human sperm and ovum as I do with abortion, and as much problem with killing the father of a family in war as I do with human sacrifice. The Spirit only thrives within committed community.

Why are we so intent on preaching that the sins of the fathers are passed down to the sons, and not on the commitment of the parents and the community being the embodiment of The Spirit in our daughters and sons?