I thought I'd float forever on a sea of endless love;
I had long felt the comfort of a Divine rudder.
It was only when my children had no need for me
That I realized my mission had been that of mother.
Now that my motherhood ship has sailed,
The wind is stilled beneath my wings.
Even the grandchildren are outgrowing
Their capacity to freely, joyously sing.
How I miss the magic moments of solidarity
With the pure wonder of the light in their eyes,
And how I long for observing them,
And, by their brilliance, being ever surprised.
How wonderful were the days and years
When I was treated as a rock star
And for celebrations of family life
I never had to go very far.
I am now expected to act like a lady,
Have grandmotherly dignity,
Instead of enjoying with wild abandon,
Having no parental responsibility.
All I want to do is observe their growth,
While I watch their lives' celebrations.
I'd like to be allowed to share with them
The wisdom of my own generation.
Some act as if I'll harm their children,
As though I'm a godless, heathen whore.
Is this because my face of The Divine
Is one of which they aren't sure?
How can they not understand
Where my Divine Energy comes from?
They would know if, from the sound
Of my words, they didn't continue to run.
It is true that I hold in my heart
Many memories which nobody should see.
My history is what makes me who I am;
I cannot from myself be set free.
This history reads like a Biblical account
Of the perversions of humanity.
It has been my life's lonely work
To keep my children, from these, free.
I am desperate, at times, to protect
The children from potential dangers,
Especially harm coming from family and friends,
More lethal than that from strangers.
I watch other families through my window,
Those that I cannot reach out and touch,
Knowing if I begin to love them,
I will surely love them too much.
I will care too much what happens to them,
Though, their lives, I have no hope of affecting,
And if my prophesies of danger come true,
It's me that they'll be rejecting.
I am so grateful that my husband
Still has wonder like that of a child.
The miracles of creation still excite him;
With him, I'm allowed to be wild.
He is not afraid of the Great Spirit
That abides within my deepest soul.
He says that my fire is the catalyst
That makes his existence whole.