Thursday, August 21, 2014

Free From Feelings

A story about our mother was told to me by one of my sisters; I think this explains a lot of my frustration with people and teamwork. The story goes that, when my sisters descended on our mothers disastrous mess of a home in order to prepare it for a huge family function, my mother crawled under the sink and began to clean the pipes with a toothbrush. How many people are so overwhelmed by the vast mess we see on our earth that we spend our whole lives under the sink, polishing the pipes that are working just fine in their present states?

They have no idea how to plan for a party and they won't ask anyone else for a plan because that would make the planner 'the boss." They all simply wander around without direction looking for some tiny detail on which to concentrate all their energies. Quite often they are busy feeding baby birds that have fallen out of trees while their own children scream in their cribs.

This is how I experience prayer: It seems to me that people are simply polishing their crowns for the future that they imagine will be so much better than this one, without ever rolling up their sleeves to straighten up the present mess. I can never understand how heaven will be any better than earth since humans will still be their individual selves after death. I prefer to think that all my energy will be reabsorbed by the Big Bang going backward into the pureness of a Universal, Eternal, Shimmering, Shared Sacred Spirit of Pure Life.

I am frustrated because all those who I had hoped would be part of this party are too busy polishing their own individual pipes (or crowns) to help prepare for the party. Even when I peek under the sink to ask if they need anything, they seem to think I'm spying on them and may somehow steal some of the shine off their pipes. They hide their toothbrushes and tell me to go find my own pipes to polish. So I do, and then they are unhappy because my pipes are now made into a pipe organ that is inviting too may to come hear the music.

When I turn to the kitchen to cook, and give the pipe organ over to others, they become angry because I "think I'm better than them" even though I am now serving the rest of them, as if I am a slave. They then invite me to celebrations at which I am told that I can't have any of what they are serving, and are angry when I get hurt feelings over this.

The only conclusion I can come to is that they don't want me at their parties, even in the hereafter. This is okay because I don't want to be in my own little house, with my own lonely crown, competing for who sits longest on Daddy God's lap or who is on the right or left hand of King Jesus, for all eternity. I simply want to be absorbed, with all those I have loved, back into the Sacred Spirit from which I believe I came. They don't want to do this with me; that's okay, but it still hurts my feelings. I hope not to have any feelings in eternity.