Monday, August 13, 2012

Anticipation and Afterglow

Anticipation and afterglow are the things that I miss most,
With the ever-busy agendas, running from coast to coast.
There are a few friends that I trust to have consideration
For my life's pace and my sense of moral obligation.
Most want me to catch them for moments on the run;
This has never been my idea of relationships or fun.
How can I know if I really want to be involved then

When I haven't been informed of, or part of, the plan?
Some say this is a need to control the agenda,
But it's really that I am my own primary defender.
One I enter another persons territory or plan
I give up some control of part of who I am.
I've never enjoyed seeing movies when I was by myself;

I don't enjoy parties for me, planned by someone else.
I enjoy the sharing of the build up to excitement,
And the talking about what we saw and where we went
That makes my life feel most settled and secure
When people want me to hurry, I'm rather demure.

I object to being bossed like a dog or a slave;
When I left my marriage I had to act brave.
It was all an act, I didn't want my children to see
The fear, or they would be as scared as me.
How was I to know that modern motherhood
Was a series of surprises, at which I'm not good?

How happy I was when they had children of their own,
And I could relax and enjoy them in my home.
But as their success became their driving force,
I couldn't continue on their ever-faster course.
It is now enough to hear their tales of victory;
Knowing they're responsible citizens is afterglow to me.