There is a huge difference between feelings and actions of guilt and those precipitated by shame. Admission of guilt is the beginning of healing; it presupposes trust in the other and in the relationship. Shame seeks to hide one's actions, predicting that the other will be duped by the performance. This leads to further alienation, rather than to reconciliation. It seems to me that the sin of Adam and of Cain was the refusal to admit guilt and to ask for guidance in how to avoid the same sin.
We, as a people, seem to continue getting it wrong, attempting to hide our weaknesses from each other because so many still believe that all illness and loss is punishment for some sin of an ancestor or of oneself. There seems to be a legalistic understanding of Grace and God that we carry forward into our personal relationships and hand down from generation to generation. A system of rewards and punishments, ridicule and retribution. Life in the Light should help us get past these issues, but we continue to project our own limitations onto our beliefs about The Almighty. Babies are all born beautiful; only through the shame of our ancestors are we made to feel less than gifts of Grace.
My mother spent her life feeling ashamed of her birth status as a child born to a mother who had married a divorced non-(Roman)Catholic. Further "evidence" of God's displeasure with her mother was the fact that my mother's father had died when my mother was only three, her brother five, and her sister an infant. There were also two half-brothers that my grandmother had been bringing up as her own.
Like more "proof" of sin was needed, as my grandmother was in the process of moving her little ones to be closer to her mother and crippled sister for support, her mother died. This left her with the burden of her widowed father and crippled sister added to the burdens of her widowhood and child-rearing. In those days, there were no protections for a widow supporting her family. My grandmother spent the rest of her life atoning for her "sins" by attending daily mass, never again marrying, and shunning shows of love.
My grandmother seemed to buy into the notion that the sins of the father (and presumably the mother) are passed on to their children. She never expressed any joy in the value of herself, her children, or her grandchildren, as this would lead to pridefulness, another sin. My mother seemingly, couldn't get past this sense of shame. She followed suit in attempting to atone for the sins of her parents, of which she felt herself to be tangible evidence.
Our religion, in that time, insisted on earthly penance for our transgressions, rather than throwing ourselves on the mercy of Our Just Creator. It also never asked us to make amends to those we helped to move away from feelings of grace, only to offer ourselves and our pain as human sacrifices to assuage the sins of ourselves and our ancestors. The only way out of this unending trap was to deny any wrongdoing and/or to do eternal penance. There was really no "Joy in Jesus" when I was coming up. And forget the idea of the Light of Holiness in an average individual.
It was heart-breaking to watch my mother deny herself joy in her children's use of their God-given gifts. All pride in her progeny was turned by her shame into pain. This was, presumably, her penance and her protection from the continuation of what she referred to as "arrogance". Thankfully, she seemed to see some light in her grandchildren's lives. It is now up to us, who are still living our earthly existence, to continue to honor and nurture the Life-In-The-Light affirming use of all the talents that our family members were given.
"This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine."
Friday, February 25, 2011
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Peace for Our Progeny
My recently deceased mother spent the last years of her life petitioning heaven for the healing of ancestral wounds. She seemed to think that it was enough to ask for the general healing without naming the wounds or those who suffered from these afflictions. Perhaps she didn't know the specifics, or she was too ashamed of her part in them to be able to name them. So many times we hide from our own sins in shame, which forever precludes the healing of their wounds. The sins of the ancestors are only passed down to subsequent generations because we refuse to recognize and repent of our wrong actions.
When we live in a society of fear, ridicule, and reprisal, where do we find words of guidance for our children and their children as they embark upon the waters of adult life and love in this fragmented world. Who will sit with them and listen to their anguish without attempting to interject their own weaknesses and those of their ancestors as justification for further wrongdoing? Tradition seems to trump careful consideration of what is right for individual relationship issues. Do young families have to resort to divorce court in order to be heard?
When two become one, we, as a society, should take their union seriously. We witness their vows, then do nothing to strengthen the union. Even in involved families, the norm seems to be holding onto our own children and insisting on the superiority of our family's ways, rather than releasing them to form their own families. When they ask for guidance, we seldom seek the wisdom of the elders of our communities in guiding our answers. We tend to be too busy protecting our own turfs, traditions, and reputations.
All growth is created in stress. Stress causes a seed to break open and become a tree. A marriage cannot produce offspring without breaking open. When children are born to a union, the young family is in crisis. With the work, wisdom, and wit of the elders, the new tree will flourish. But in the absence of the solid ground for growing and much nurturing, the new tree will either wither and die or splinter into several weakened branches.
It takes courage to carry the burdens of the young on our weary and stooped shoulders, but we must be brave if we are to help to create peace in the new lives of our progeny.
When we live in a society of fear, ridicule, and reprisal, where do we find words of guidance for our children and their children as they embark upon the waters of adult life and love in this fragmented world. Who will sit with them and listen to their anguish without attempting to interject their own weaknesses and those of their ancestors as justification for further wrongdoing? Tradition seems to trump careful consideration of what is right for individual relationship issues. Do young families have to resort to divorce court in order to be heard?
When two become one, we, as a society, should take their union seriously. We witness their vows, then do nothing to strengthen the union. Even in involved families, the norm seems to be holding onto our own children and insisting on the superiority of our family's ways, rather than releasing them to form their own families. When they ask for guidance, we seldom seek the wisdom of the elders of our communities in guiding our answers. We tend to be too busy protecting our own turfs, traditions, and reputations.
All growth is created in stress. Stress causes a seed to break open and become a tree. A marriage cannot produce offspring without breaking open. When children are born to a union, the young family is in crisis. With the work, wisdom, and wit of the elders, the new tree will flourish. But in the absence of the solid ground for growing and much nurturing, the new tree will either wither and die or splinter into several weakened branches.
It takes courage to carry the burdens of the young on our weary and stooped shoulders, but we must be brave if we are to help to create peace in the new lives of our progeny.
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
Love and Litigation
I'm in the process of a property dispute in which the seller is threatening litigation. I've read the prescription for settling disputes written in Matthew 18:15-17 "If your brother sins, go and show him his fault in private; if he listens to you, you have won your brother. 16 But if he does not listen to you, take one or two more with you, so that BY THE MOUTH OF TWO OR THREE WITNESSES EVERY FACT MAY BE CONFIRMED. 17 If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, let him be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector." This passage begs the questions of who are our brothers and who are our church?
Lawyers were involved from the beginning of the relationship, as no contract on property can be written or enforced without them. I don't know anything about the lawyers involved with the writing of the original contract; neither do I have knowledge of the values of the closing attorney. I certainly have no idea as to whether the litigator has any sense of justice.
As soon as the subject of litigation came up, I consulted a lawyer to explain to me what the original legal documents meant. I was very careful in my choice of legal counsel to hire someone who is known to me to be a Jewish woman who embraces justice and peace.
Until proven otherwise, I choose to believe that the seller is a just person who has hired an equally moral attorney. I hope this is the case because my attorney doesn't do litigation. If this goes to court, who will be "the church"? Does it mean anything to swear on a Bible when you have no knowledge or belief in what the Bible says?
Lawyers were involved from the beginning of the relationship, as no contract on property can be written or enforced without them. I don't know anything about the lawyers involved with the writing of the original contract; neither do I have knowledge of the values of the closing attorney. I certainly have no idea as to whether the litigator has any sense of justice.
As soon as the subject of litigation came up, I consulted a lawyer to explain to me what the original legal documents meant. I was very careful in my choice of legal counsel to hire someone who is known to me to be a Jewish woman who embraces justice and peace.
Until proven otherwise, I choose to believe that the seller is a just person who has hired an equally moral attorney. I hope this is the case because my attorney doesn't do litigation. If this goes to court, who will be "the church"? Does it mean anything to swear on a Bible when you have no knowledge or belief in what the Bible says?
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Lives in Holy Light
I'm so excited about this blog. I already have three folks commenting on the entries. One is a devout Jewish mom and soon-to-be grandma; the other is a long-time male pastor and preacher in a Pentecostal church who spent twenty years in Africa, where many to whom he ministered were Muslims. This is what I want to hear, how walking a walk of holiness enriches lives, of the writers and of those around them. Talk about different perspectives!
I'm hoping to hear from atheists, agnostics, Hindus, Buddhists, Muslims, Jews, Christians, and anyone else who can tell their stories of walking in the Light of the Spirit of Oneness with all the good in creation. I want to know where and how they found this Holy Light in their lives, and how they apply it to achieving unity in our universe.
What are the manifestations of Holy Oneness in your life? What do you call this Light of Life? Where do you find support for your vision of Holiness? How do you share your Light with the rest of creation?
I'm hoping to hear from atheists, agnostics, Hindus, Buddhists, Muslims, Jews, Christians, and anyone else who can tell their stories of walking in the Light of the Spirit of Oneness with all the good in creation. I want to know where and how they found this Holy Light in their lives, and how they apply it to achieving unity in our universe.
What are the manifestations of Holy Oneness in your life? What do you call this Light of Life? Where do you find support for your vision of Holiness? How do you share your Light with the rest of creation?
Monday, February 21, 2011
Children and Church
I was taught that it was a sin not to sit on Sunday with God, and that the only place to find Our Father was in a church. It didn't much matter where I was, I had to find a church to attend. This had nothing to do with having a church family; it had to do with the rituals of religion. I was also taught that we were not meant to read our own Bibles because we weren't enlightened enough to understand what the words meant. Only the priests had that privilege.
Our parents doled out severe punishment for skipping the sacred services, so Sunday became a day of penance rather than a day of prayer. As I grew older, I began to search for something more in spiritual living. I began to read sacred scriptures from many religious perspectives, but still hadn't been introduced to the idea that I may be able to obtain enlightenment. Because I had children, I began looking for a church home, but I never found a good fit.
Much of my inability to feel at home in church had to do with the one-sidedness of the services. I often found nothing enriching or enlightening in the impersonal explanations of what the Bible supposedly said. All the ritual made me very nervous because it allowed for no variation and no questions. But the straw that broke my camel's back was the insistence on separating me from my children during the service because my children were thought to be either too young to understand the adult service or too distracting to other adults by virtue of their activity. I had one day a week to be with the greatest blessings in my life, and I was supposed to spend that day listening to lifeless lessons with people in whom I had no investment. I thought not. I didn't need any family that didn't want my children to be with me.
My way of worship was to celebrate every moment that I could be with my babies, preferably enjoying the bountiful beauty of nature. Where was that part of Sacred Scripture? Why wasn't I hearing about the absolutely divine grace that comes from watching love in action in families and friendships?
This blog is about finding those voices that experience the divine in everyday life. This is what I want in a faith family, not dogma and disrespect for the families of other faiths. Sacred Scripture, in my opinion, is every word written (or spoken) celebrating the gifts of Creation, including the gift of turning our pain into passion for a more Holy and just people.
Our parents doled out severe punishment for skipping the sacred services, so Sunday became a day of penance rather than a day of prayer. As I grew older, I began to search for something more in spiritual living. I began to read sacred scriptures from many religious perspectives, but still hadn't been introduced to the idea that I may be able to obtain enlightenment. Because I had children, I began looking for a church home, but I never found a good fit.
Much of my inability to feel at home in church had to do with the one-sidedness of the services. I often found nothing enriching or enlightening in the impersonal explanations of what the Bible supposedly said. All the ritual made me very nervous because it allowed for no variation and no questions. But the straw that broke my camel's back was the insistence on separating me from my children during the service because my children were thought to be either too young to understand the adult service or too distracting to other adults by virtue of their activity. I had one day a week to be with the greatest blessings in my life, and I was supposed to spend that day listening to lifeless lessons with people in whom I had no investment. I thought not. I didn't need any family that didn't want my children to be with me.
My way of worship was to celebrate every moment that I could be with my babies, preferably enjoying the bountiful beauty of nature. Where was that part of Sacred Scripture? Why wasn't I hearing about the absolutely divine grace that comes from watching love in action in families and friendships?
This blog is about finding those voices that experience the divine in everyday life. This is what I want in a faith family, not dogma and disrespect for the families of other faiths. Sacred Scripture, in my opinion, is every word written (or spoken) celebrating the gifts of Creation, including the gift of turning our pain into passion for a more Holy and just people.
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Competition and Killing
It is so sad when even families can't find a way to peaceful relationships other than through mutual rejection of others because of jealousy or fear of competition. From the beginning of recorded history, the story is the same. People want whatever it is that they don't have, even if they have no use for it. They destroy relationships to get what their greed dictates, then wonder why they still aren't happy. Humans wanted to control The Infinite and destroyed their relationship to get it. Cain wanted what his brother had, and killed his brother to get it.
Why is it that we seem to be so hard-wired for jealousy and greed. Competition for the most or the best seems to be the rot that ruins relationships with The Infinite Good of The Genesis of Creation and with all creatures. Two-year-old toddlers often attempt to crawl into a sibling's crib and exterminate the competition. Is it that we are born no more compassionate than any other animal, and that it is the responsibility of our families and society to envelop us with enough sense of security that we grow out of the fear of starvation? Where are we failing each other in this regard?
When will we understand that killing the competition doesn't necessarily mean more for us? Whatever another's gifts, conquering or killing the other doesn't automatically make the gifts of the conquered mine. Even eating the competition doesn't imbue me with the strength of my enemy, any more than eating iron-rich foods makes me a muscle man.
We even fight over The Infinite. What is it about Infinity that we don't understand?
Why is it that we seem to be so hard-wired for jealousy and greed. Competition for the most or the best seems to be the rot that ruins relationships with The Infinite Good of The Genesis of Creation and with all creatures. Two-year-old toddlers often attempt to crawl into a sibling's crib and exterminate the competition. Is it that we are born no more compassionate than any other animal, and that it is the responsibility of our families and society to envelop us with enough sense of security that we grow out of the fear of starvation? Where are we failing each other in this regard?
When will we understand that killing the competition doesn't necessarily mean more for us? Whatever another's gifts, conquering or killing the other doesn't automatically make the gifts of the conquered mine. Even eating the competition doesn't imbue me with the strength of my enemy, any more than eating iron-rich foods makes me a muscle man.
We even fight over The Infinite. What is it about Infinity that we don't understand?
Thursday, February 17, 2011
Crazy Cajun Catholic
It’s very important to folks around here that people profess their faith, and they distrust anyone not attending a church. They’re not particular which church you attend (as a ninety-plus-year-old friend says, “It’s all the same Bible,”) as long as it’s a Christian church. I’m not sure how they’d feel about attendance at a synagogue or mosque because we don’t have any in these parts.
The importance of their religion was made very clear to me when I offered my (and by extension my husband’s) services to a recently widowed woman. When she seemed reluctant to take me up on my offer, I told her that, since my husband and I don’t attend church, she could help us to salvation -- not that I think that simply through good works will I be saved. I was just trying to get past the natural reluctance of the independent mountain people to ask for help from outsiders.
She rather quizzically replied, “I don’t know that that’s how it works.” Without stopping to think, I answered, “I’d rather try to live like a follower of Christ than to sit in church and listen to somebody talk about Christianity. But the real truth is I just can’t sit quietly that long. If there was a Black Baptist church with all the shouting of ‘Alleluias’ and ‘Amens’, I might be able to attend that church.” I didn’t mean to imply that all the people sitting in churches weren’t walking the walk of Christianity; I hope she didn’t take it that way. I meant that I'd prefer to celebrate than to sit in silence. It did leave her speechless -- but much that I say and do leaves a lot of people speechless.
I was driving to a doctor's appointment when I found my faith again. I began laughing so hard I had to stop the car and call my most spiritual Roman Catholic soul sister, who wasn’t home – but her husband was. I can’t remember what I said to him, but I knew he wouldn’t “get” my elation. I had been a catholic all along – I wasn’t Roman Catholic or Eastern Orthodox Catholic; I am what catholic by what is the true meaning of the word “catholic,” which is to say, “universal.”
At first I thought it was a Cajun thing, so I labeled myself Cajun Catholic. I wasn’t brought up on the bayou, even though I spent summers there, but I’ve always felt that my nature is very molded by my Cajun family. They are very “live and let live” people.
Now, this isn’t to say that they allow you to do whatever you want in their homes. My Cajun grandma used to make the rules for her home, and then say, “If you don’t like it, there’s the door.” My aunt (my Cajun grandma’s daughter) is much the same way, but much more soft spoken about it. Her husband is the one who shows you the door if you break the house rules.
It’s just that, on some basic level, they have always understood that the church is there to support them in their journey through life, not the other way around. They’ve always had a healthy skepticism for anybody’s teachings that came from books without any life experience to back it up – much like mountain folk. Somehow, I can’t imagine my grandma or aunt going to the parish priest for marriage advice, or advice on raising their children.
I live by words; the words spoken to me affect every aspect of my being. I’m a firm believer in the saying popular with psychiatrists and social workers in the seventies, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can make me crazy.” The words of the creed, “I believe in the Holy Spirit, the holy catholic church” are said in many Christian churches. By the commonly held definition of catholic in Christian churches, catholic means universally Christian. So I looked up the definition and the origins of the word catholic. This is what I found:
catholic adj
1. universal; relating to all men; all-inclusive
2. comprehensive in interests, tastes, etc.; broad-minded; liberal
[from Latin catholicus, from Greek katholikos universal, from katholou in general, from kata- according to + holos whole]
Source: http://www.thefreedictionary.com/catholic
This may not be earth-shaking to most people, but to me it was life-changing. Why did it take me so long to read the dictionary?
The importance of their religion was made very clear to me when I offered my (and by extension my husband’s) services to a recently widowed woman. When she seemed reluctant to take me up on my offer, I told her that, since my husband and I don’t attend church, she could help us to salvation -- not that I think that simply through good works will I be saved. I was just trying to get past the natural reluctance of the independent mountain people to ask for help from outsiders.
She rather quizzically replied, “I don’t know that that’s how it works.” Without stopping to think, I answered, “I’d rather try to live like a follower of Christ than to sit in church and listen to somebody talk about Christianity. But the real truth is I just can’t sit quietly that long. If there was a Black Baptist church with all the shouting of ‘Alleluias’ and ‘Amens’, I might be able to attend that church.” I didn’t mean to imply that all the people sitting in churches weren’t walking the walk of Christianity; I hope she didn’t take it that way. I meant that I'd prefer to celebrate than to sit in silence. It did leave her speechless -- but much that I say and do leaves a lot of people speechless.
I was driving to a doctor's appointment when I found my faith again. I began laughing so hard I had to stop the car and call my most spiritual Roman Catholic soul sister, who wasn’t home – but her husband was. I can’t remember what I said to him, but I knew he wouldn’t “get” my elation. I had been a catholic all along – I wasn’t Roman Catholic or Eastern Orthodox Catholic; I am what catholic by what is the true meaning of the word “catholic,” which is to say, “universal.”
At first I thought it was a Cajun thing, so I labeled myself Cajun Catholic. I wasn’t brought up on the bayou, even though I spent summers there, but I’ve always felt that my nature is very molded by my Cajun family. They are very “live and let live” people.
Now, this isn’t to say that they allow you to do whatever you want in their homes. My Cajun grandma used to make the rules for her home, and then say, “If you don’t like it, there’s the door.” My aunt (my Cajun grandma’s daughter) is much the same way, but much more soft spoken about it. Her husband is the one who shows you the door if you break the house rules.
It’s just that, on some basic level, they have always understood that the church is there to support them in their journey through life, not the other way around. They’ve always had a healthy skepticism for anybody’s teachings that came from books without any life experience to back it up – much like mountain folk. Somehow, I can’t imagine my grandma or aunt going to the parish priest for marriage advice, or advice on raising their children.
I live by words; the words spoken to me affect every aspect of my being. I’m a firm believer in the saying popular with psychiatrists and social workers in the seventies, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can make me crazy.” The words of the creed, “I believe in the Holy Spirit, the holy catholic church” are said in many Christian churches. By the commonly held definition of catholic in Christian churches, catholic means universally Christian. So I looked up the definition and the origins of the word catholic. This is what I found:
catholic adj
1. universal; relating to all men; all-inclusive
2. comprehensive in interests, tastes, etc.; broad-minded; liberal
[from Latin catholicus, from Greek katholikos universal, from katholou in general, from kata- according to + holos whole]
Source: http://www.thefreedictionary.com/catholic
This may not be earth-shaking to most people, but to me it was life-changing. Why did it take me so long to read the dictionary?
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