You May Become a Mini-Me

I am usually willing to apprentice at the side of a master, but I long-ago outgrew the ability to act as acolyte. Only experience should be believed. I have long shied away from formal education in favor of following in the footsteps of those with experience. It is important to me in choosing a guru to know where the teacher started and where he or she wanted to go before accepting that this pastor was on a path that I wanted to pursue.

Anyone can learn to parrot pretty words, and we are often enthralled by the sound of the voices saying them. Influential oratory is also a learned skill. My soft-spoken husband has a favorite saying, "Act proves potency." It should not be taboo to ask anyone who seeks to guide your actions to share his or her own life story and references.

So many mentors give advice based on what they always wished they had done, rather than on what lessons they have learned by their own living. Psychologists/pastors/counselors/therapists, for instance, have a policy of not giving a patient any personal information before attempting to address the problems of the patient. The danger in becoming vulnerable to anyone with whom you are not in an equally intimate relationship is that you never know where the person intends to lead you.

I find this to be more than a little bit dangerous. Even if the therapist/psychologist/counselor/pastor has good intentions, you may not be at all suited for the areas that he or she endeavors to take you. Be careful who you follow; you may become a mini-me, an experiment in what the leader wishes he or she could be.

No Hope for the Hierarchy

A friend who has held onto my soul for over forty years gave me an article today, saying, "God heard your complaints." The article about Pope Benedict's defrocking of priests originated with the Associated Press, and was published in her local newspaper. I read it with great interest, only to find that the defrocking was based on a loosening of the legal statute of limitations on rape and abuse set by the Vatican. How can an organization presenting itself as "Christian" hide behind legalistic limitations on the murder of one's faith?

We were made children of the church before we were even born, by virtue of the Vatican's insistence that all good Roman Catholic women bear as many "soldiers of Christ" as their bodies would produce. There was no compassion for the needs of the children, nor of the parents, even when there were extreme circumstances which should have slowed down responsible human procreation.

I have no hope for the Roman Catholic Church to ever walk away from their arrogance in believing that they are the high priests that must stand between each person and his or her personal manifestations of The Sacred Spirit on this earth. They have lived too long in the aura of respectability in which monarchs enjoy adulation. They have infected too much of what is called "Christianity" with the militaristic idea of conquering souls with fear and force over the slow process of true conversion to faith, which passes one person to one person.

The world is one. Until we understand that all divisions are false, we will never have peace.

Medication, Minors, and Martyrdom

I have, more than once, been pronounced crazy, in need of psychoactive medication and therapy. Never has it been effective, in the long term, because I really don't want to tone down the light by which I see where I believe the earth of my grandchildren should be allowed to go.

My psychologist says that I am an enigma that will always be suspect in normal human interactions. He says that this is because I lead my life by very strict rules and boundaries while expecting very few boundaries of others in their behaviors. As a product of adolescence during the moral upheaval during the 1960s in the United States of America, I feel that my way is most appropriate to both growth and personal safety.

My biggest challenge is much like the judge who said that he couldn't define pornography, but he knew it when he saw it. I can't always say what I find abhorrent until it is right in front of my face. I am pretty okay with what consenting adults do to entertain each other, as long they keep their personal predilections private. I reserve the right, as a parent, to protect my minor children from any influence I don't feel prepared to handle for them. There should be no such thing as authority without responsibility.

So many in a "free" society seek to influence others to join in their behaviors or beliefs in order to justify their own actions. They too often do this with no commitment to address the consequences of the actions that they incite. As a parent and an employer, I had huge issues with this. many won popularity contests with those put under my protection by encouraging them to do as they wished. These same popular people (politicians) then expected me to take care of those they incited to act without any sense of responsibility to themselves or their communities.

Janis Joplin sang, "Freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose." This is often true. Humans are communal animals and we all choose which community we want to be part of. Where we fit is based on what we want to give; very few communities need any more demanding babies in order to meet their needs. We all want to be recognized for our efforts. In order to be long-term respected and welcomed, we must offer something other that the entertainment of our ongoing dramas.

BTW, Jesus, the joyful Jew, didn't generally encourage ongoing drama. He even asked his father whether he had to undergo the drama of his own death in order to get his message across. "Oy Vey!" his dad said, "Yes, son, or they won't follow what you have exemplified with your life." I hope for the day that we won't require martyrdom in order to follow those who deserve honor.

My Friend Maite

My friend Maite is an attorney in her native land, Venezuela. In my country, attorneys are taught to turn off their hearts in order to favor their heads. This is so not in keeping with the basic concept of justice, but competition has consumed the concept of Judeo-Christianity. I know that Maite has not succeeded in becoming callous to compassion, as she still can smell the air wafting from my condo and know when I am cooking specifically for her tastes.

I am not sure how I will ever make peace between passion and propriety, but know that I feel honored by those who appreciate my efforts at making them feel special. I may never understand the efforts of so many to pretend they are self-sufficient, not only physically, but in their feelings. I continue to reach out and continue to be ridiculed as arrogant for believing that anyone would want some of what I have to give.

I feel completely loved by very few, but the few include my friend Maite because she is always happy with whatever I have to give.

Patience As My Purpose

Silently I sit, available to all who ask for my assistance, hoping that this is a vocation. Many ask for money, with no strings attached. I turn them down for several reasons. The first is that I am in partnership; my partner and I must agree on the effort. The second is that I am not charitable; I invest in efforts in which I believe.

Too many hand out money without question, creating a class of "charity" charlatans and thieves. Would you give your children money without wanting to know on what they spend it? "Ah, but I am an adult," says the recipient; "I can do with your money what I please." I reply that money is, in my case, a substitute for the talents that I traded with someone. If one is not ready to give me a plan for how they will use individual talents to increase my investment in an effort, I decline to invest.

Money has become meaningless as barter; best efforts in many fields count for nothing. Those who attend to birthing, teaching, and creating and conserving human dignity are but reminders of memories of humanity's most difficult endeavors. Our arrogance says that we should be able to do all, and when others step in to assist, we cringe. Rather that treating the helpers as personal partners, we relegate them to positions of disgrace and poverty.

I was wise, this time, in insisting to be compensated, not because I don't love, but because I do. The civil courts are not the place to create equity, and the churches shirk their responsibilities in these endeavors to create peace among people. Sentiment and religion seem to sway us, but free use of individual intellect and collaboration with others are our greatest graces. Only by balancing feeling and thinking can humanity come to parity in partnerships.

We no longer elect leaders based on experience, but on the brightness of their smiles and the cut in their hair. We believe in the tears that they have been taught to shed on command, and act as if kissing a baby has anything to do with what it means to put one's own life on hold to bring one up in the way he or she should go.

We are all pharisees and hypocrites. We only want to follow those who lead us on an easy path. Religions say that what we say will save us. This has never been true. It is what we do that makes a difference. I'd like to be asked to lead again, as I did when I was young, but my path was one of example and instruction while I stood in the wings waiting to be asked for further assistance. Patience is probably the hardest effort I ever had to exhibit, but I would gladly do the same again.

What I want to Be

The greatest advantage of being a citizen in a democracy is that I can enjoy freedom, not only of religion, but also freedom from religion. Even though there are many religions that purport to have a monopoly on the eternal, ultimate truth, this is not really the nature of the life on earth. To stop evolving in real life is to be dead.

It is simply easier to control and invent memories of what already happened than to control what may happen next. Is this why so many religions focus on the suffering of death rather than the stress and uncertainty of continuing to grow? Fear of the future is not life-giving; it simply promotes stagnation. Stagnation always leads to untimely death.

I have never trusted strict adherence to ritual or tradition because the amount of grief that the collective is to share whenever anything happens to disrupt the status quo seems out of place in a growth-oriented society. It seems to me that any who live only to maintain that with which they are already comfortable might as well be wax figures of themselves. If we don't want to evolve, what good is it continuing to soak up the energy of life?

A partner once told me that it is easy to be perfect if we never do anything. That seems to be the way to salvation for many people; they would rather not do anything than risk making a few honest mistakes. I have always figured that life was a balancing act; it is better to mess up some things than to never attempt to be part of any solutions to existing problems.

I have made many mistakes in my efforts to make everyone I meet feel welcome at my table. I have also lost many tables in my seeking to include everyone, but I must continue to seek and celebrate any good that I see. To do otherwise is killing me.

It has never been in my nature to be afraid because I always had the ability to obtain guidance from those who could assist me with their knowledge and wisdom. I have been misguided more than I like to admit by those who pretended to have answers that they did not possess. I have survived all the charlatans, liars, and hypocrites, so far, and will surely survive many more before I die. This is the price I pay for my never-ending quest for enlightenment. I have gained more than I have had taken from me, so I choose to continue in my quest.

I don't seek to control any outcomes with my acquired information; I simply seek to share it with those who want a wise and willing person with whom to brainstorm. I am a minister, but I don't seek to be a priest for the administering of ritual, a prophet for predicting future events, or a guru to guide those who have trouble finding their own paths. I simply want to be available to those who need a way station to gather themselves on their journeys through life and faith.

Appearances Are Everything

I gave birth to my children in the infancy of women’s and other civil rights enforcement.  Strange as it may sound to Millenials, when my children left home there was no way to track them or intervene if they were in trouble. (There were no personal computers or cell phones back then.) My children were at the mercy of strangers, which was one of my greatest fears. Too many strangers prey on the vulnerable, especially the children. It was difficult keeping them safe from predators, and I may never know if I was wholly successful, but here are the things I learned, in my 62 years about staying safe:

We like to say that people should not "judge a book by its cover" but that is exactly how our animal instincts decide what we want to give our attention to. What else do we know about anything when we first encounter it than how it appears to us, and whether the appearance is included in our worldview of shoulds. We cover our scents with all manner of decoy aromas, so we even handicap what is a basic bonding ingredient in other animals.

In small communities, shoulds are based on what is available within the community. As we have become more global in our access to others, the boundaries have become increasingly blurred. This seems to have made people more, not less, nervous about each other. "Declare your clan," groups all seem to be saying, but declaring your clan can seriously limit your opportunities to expand your experience. People will automatically assume many stereotypical things about you.

It is interesting and enlightening (sometimes even dangerous) to enter unfamiliar communities without a guide to run interference for you. In small towns the tribal lines seem to be drawn around family, school, and church affiliations. In any given city, there are many tribal lines that one doesn't want to cross without an interpreter, and possibly a posse, for protection. The higher the profile of the visitor, the less likely that the visitor will be viewed favorably. 

High profile indicates to the animals instincts of others that we are in competition with the reigning leaders. This may be why famous people are always seen with a group of seeming acolytes. The Jesus story is a prime example of this phenomenon. He was simply not willing to act the way a Jewish man of his group and generation should. In a backlash against feminism, many men are increasing their efforts to behave as their most animal instincts dictate.  High profile women, especially, must take proper precautions.

It is easy to get discouraged when attempting to bond with others when most of the others look at you as if you have three heads. Often, you have to simply put on the costume of the community and hope that nobody notices that we are only pretending to know their songs. This really doesn't work well for high profile “foreigners,” so it is always best to walk with others who have your back.

What's a wanderer to do? 

Dress like the "natives." Whoever was on the turf first, "owns" the turf, even if only for that minute. It is up to the one entering the area to put the "owner" at ease. It is important to ease your way into new situations by allowing people to relax upon first encountering you. 

Animals in the wild often have camouflage for just this reason. What you wear is not who you are. It is of utmost importance that we understand that in order to not create fear in those we encounter. No matter how sophisticated human society gets, we are all animals underneath our human camouflage. Fear creates anger, and anger creates violence. Once people get to know you, you can appear any way you like.

Make sure you live only with those who have your back and will advocate for (protect) you. Put on your emotional body armor before you leave the house, no matter for how short a time you'll be away. Do this by insisting on daily affirmations from those with whom you live, even if your only housemates have four legs. Take a talisman that represents your safe place, pets, or people with you to hold when you feel afraid. Stay in communication distance with someone you can count on when in trouble. 

Hikers and boaters file plans for their trips with people who can come rescue them if they don't arrive when they say they will. It is always good to have others know where you plan to be and when to expect your return. Paying for a service, such as AAA, is a valid measure for self-protection. Social media is great for staying in constant communication with allies when on the move. 

In order to make a difference, we must stay alive. Keep yourselves safe.