Monday, December 31, 2012

A New Year of Light, Love, and Laughter

I have spent my adult lifetime purposely erasing all earthly images of Divinity from my mind. I had been taught so many false images of what God looks and sounds like, that I felt I needed to start over without physical images in order to accept the pure Spirit that I know lived in me before I was "taught" about God.

I opened my heart and soul as wide as I could and the pain that came pouring in, literally, brought me to my knees. I was awash with the living memories of all the false promises of faith, family, and forgiveness. Sometimes one at a time and sometimes in groups, the demons of my lifetime came back to taunt me: People who used my penitence to enter my soul and suck it dry for their own aggrandizement or physical pleasure, people who attempted to hide behind me while continuing to pursue pleasure at the expense of others and  themselves, people who sought to take away my joy because they apparently felt it took something from them.

Many of these people, all the while, proclaimed their Christian caring for me with no attention to what their actions were doing to my Spirit. I simply had to come back to my roots and face the fears from which I had run. I had to return to the Spirit of my six-year-old self and, once more, become open to comforting of the Baby Jesus inside myself. Nobody needed me to be the mother or the big sister to them. I could revisit my most vulnerable self in the warm glow of protection of my sacred spouse and my safest friendships. I am home in a way that I hadn't been in fifty-five years.

I looked to those whose visions of The Spirit seem to me most true. None of these are ivory tower academics or recognized as holy people or prophets. All of them are people who simply live life as an adventure. All of them are flesh and blood workers who will admit to their many failings as professionals, spouses, parents, and progeny. What they all have in common is humility and humor that they are willing to share with me and others.

How many times and how many crosses do each of us have to carry in this life? How many times are we brought to our knees in humility because we are powerless to "fix" ourselves, our spouses, our friends, our children, or our world? The people that I want to emulate are the ones who don't get angry with those who won't be "fixed" or at the world in general for making them feel weak.

The people that I want to emulate are the people who continue to be true to their best selves while holding out a hand and open heart to help others find their own Holy Spirits. I want to also emulate the people who never stop working at being their best selves and solving problems, while always aware that their wills are not necessarily what will happen. I want people in my life who understand the The Spirit is infinite and everlasting and that our lifetimes are meant to nurture the Holy Spirit in ourselves and in others and leave the world a bit better than we found it. It is not to "fix" everything that we see as wrong while we are here.

For these reasons, I have returned to my faithful friends who have known my soul since I was a child. We still recognize the innocent Holy Spirit in each other and love to play together in the safety of each other's friendship. Along the way, I have found other "playmates" who can still see the Spirit of innocence, wonder, and hope in their own souls and those of others; these too have become parts of my newly innocent soul. What could be more healing than that?

Today is the last day of 2012, a particularly challenging year for my husband. We are stronger in our combined Spirit than we have ever been. Tomorrow we begin again in the light, love, and laughter of each other and our friends, as we attempt to do every day. Mazel Tov and Happy New Year!

1 comment:

  1. It is very important for one to come to grips with themselves.
    NOw about a challenging year for Richard? Girl, every year with a child of the flowers is probably tough (smile) for Sir Richard!!!!
    (((HUGS))) HAPPY NEW YEAR from the world of Disney!