Tuesday, February 25, 2014

Finding Family

You have spoken of your frustration that I am unable to accept your vision;
How I experience The Sacred in my life was not my conscious decision.
I cannot pretend that I see truth only in The Triun "God" and in no other;
You see your parents in different lights than do your sisters and brothers.

Does this difference of manifestation mean you aren't related as family?
What you lived with your parents, siblings weren't always around to see.
I've been comfortable all my life in accepting eternal magic in mysteries
Miracles happening all around me, I would save as bubbles of memories.

I can't not experience The Sacred as the smell of new-mown grass,
Or in the prisms of color bouncing off the lake onto plain window glass.
Is there anything more sacred than the look in a vulnerable lover's eyes,
Or the sound of a small baby's laughter, when caught by happy surprise?

The awe that I feel in observing the stars, when there is no other light,
Fills me with a feeling of The Sacred so great, it feels almost like fright.
The time just before and after sleep bring all my loved ones back to me,
In waking dreams so real, they're surely The Sacred Spirit that I see.

I have lost so much to the jealous, vengeful god of my ancestry
Is it any wonder I seek, from this god's sight, to become free?
I am aware of the story that this was the sin of Adam and Eve,
Who did not, in the mercy of their creator-god, believe.

I'm also aware that this is followed by tales of centuries of wrath,
And the birth of a son-god who must suffer for his ancestors' past.
None of these stories are consistent with my belief in awe, not fear,
In manifestations of the mysteries of The Sacred Spirit made clear.

I would like you to understand that I don't choose to be afraid;
I still suffer from things about your god, that to me, as a child, were said.
I've spent years studying and have found that I'm not the only one
Who felt no option, but from fear-fueled religions and gods, to run.

There have been many damning things spread about humanism;
That non-religious humans embody The Sacred meets with derision.
This, from the people who profess that humans are the image of God;
Are they now saying that their first premise of sacred human is flawed?

The Sacred Spirit is accepted as a friend by every small child,
Until shame is introduced and the child's natural faith is reviled.
The pretensions at understanding and limiting what my child saw
Has led me to live, many years, in religious hell's destructive maw.

I had no choice, for survival, but to go back to my baby faith;
This is where, through neglect and abuse, I continued to find grace.
I can't stop feeling betrayed when you hide behind your god's sword,
Not caring I'll be left behind in your interpretation of his word.

How can a mother, sister, or friend accept an eternity of hell
For those they say the love, while on a common earth, we dwell?
How can you continue to accept communion with those
Who have, my inclusion in your family of faith, disposed?

How can you continue to turn a blind eye to my abuses?
Why is it, for my abusers, not I, you make your excuses?
By their fruits ye shall know them; the "Christian" church is rot.
The Sacred Spirit is not their root, and the vine they forgot.

I may grieve forever that I have lost so much human family,
But I could not continue to live in such a state of hypocrisy.
Pain can be purifying when it is not inflicted by others;
Shared joy and suffering is the bond of sisters and brothers.

Those who lock themselves away and suffer only with god,
Gratitude is for god, not toward friends who, with them, plod,
These are not the people who understand being fully human;
As a flawed and vulnerable human, I cannot be their friend.

They seem to want to remain around only those who fear;
Away from those with too much laughter, they continue to steer.
I could not have survived the losses inflicted by their savior,
If I didn't also participate in wildly celebratory human behavior.

I am sorry that your piety includes no raging emotional storms.
I did not, with my emotions and beliefs, intend to do you harm.
I could no longer stay quiet as you embrace those who harm me.
It grieves me that, once more, I find myself looking for new family.

The greatest grief is in my realization that we can never share our most Sacred Spirits;
Unless my manifestations agree with religious dogma, you seem unable to hear it.
The Sacred Spirit existed before Jews began to seek common spiritual ground.
Are we to deny all earthly manifestations, before their religious path was found?

I do adhere to the belief that this was a core message of Jesus,
That community bonding, not on blood, but shared faith, is a must.
I've laughed at so much loss, but I now must openly confess,
I had so hoped I would find a final family home before death.

No comments:

Post a Comment