When I Was One

I am not sure how they remained so nice:
The women of color who, their sons, sacrifice,
To continue the sacred lines of their ancestors,
Knowing that whites think we're their betters.

Isn't it time that we stop trying to "pass"
For people who ruled with fear in our pasts?
My heritage has been so hidden from me
That "white" is all that other people see.

As an elder said, while in sacred circle,
We're all indigenous; that's the miracle.
I spent my life feeling African and Jew,
But I have shared this with only a few.

Is it my ancestors reaching out to me,
Or is it their strength that I clearly see?
I can't walk on ground that I don't know,
So to bond to the people of today I go.

There were some mothers of color there,
Who, their pain for their children, did share.
In their countries of origin, children are raped;
We slaughter their youth, in The United States.

We say we all hunger when they are starving.
What action do these impassioned words bring?
We could form a society of "other mothers"
To share resources with our dark sisters and brothers.

My children are grown, but I have the will,
To share my power and self, justice to instill.
I will be an avenging angel to another's son,
As my brown mother was to me at the age of one.

After Alchemy - A Focused Female Fight

Can we continue the conversations, brought up from the depths of our souls,
Or will we carry on at home as if, each in isolation, can be whole?
How I long for a circle with my strongest friends,
To continue in Alchemy, as the conference now ends.

I felt more in tune with the women admitting they are warriors;
Praying while in action is the way that I approach any cause.
There are many women warriors fighting only through prayer;
Do they have no action toward which to direct the rage that we share?

While we are admitting that our world is in emergency,
It seems, now is not the time to be seeking sweet serenity.
I was not trained for woman's circle, which caused some discomfort.
My old patterns of conversation, and relationships, may have hurt.

I was called down, more than once, for my obvious anger.
Did those calling me down feel that they were in danger?
Righteous anger is killing us, when it's internalized;
It is a potent fuel for action, when it's realized.

When a woman feels her family is about to be attacked,
A protective, outraged mother can stop a bear in it's tracks.
It doesn't escalate to violence, in most cases of threats,
The angrier she is, the bigger her aura gets.

We must stop licking our own wounds; the pain will not disappear.
We must channel our pain and anger to protect what we hold dear.
Who will be our leaders, uniting all the peaceful clans?
Who will be our warriors to do the work the battle demands?

Who will feed our community? Food holds us all together.
Who will hold the babies and keep the youngsters on their tethers?
Who will tend to our dying and elderly as their spirits return to the universe?
These are the topics around which I'm desperate to converse.

How much longer do we women have to hold our passions in check?
An impenetrable circle is the way to, our communities, protect.
If each woman's circle connected their talents for action with every other,
We could change the world with the strong chain of earth mothers.

Each woman must proclaim and offer her one greatest power;
No one person can hold more than one position in the eleventh hour.
We must celebrate and trust the committed competence of each other;
The earth can't resist the pressure of a singly focused chain of mothers.

At Alchemy Sunday at 6:00a.m.

Wars are often started by only one word,
Misunderstood by the one who heard.
Few words bear universal meaning;
There is no method for absolute screening.

I came here to learn and also to teach;
Now tired of explaining the words that I speak.
Frustration is natural in explaining;
We must protect against anger remaining.

There are many who will walk away;
Few who will take the time to stay.
Relationships are not easily formed;
Words can do them irreparable harm.

We so often shy away from confrontation,
Putting salve over our wounds and frustration.
But the energy expanded in clarification
Is the only method for healing our nations.

At Alchemy Saturday at 6:00

I want to hold Henry, but I have no right.
With my own son, I seem to have lost the fight.
I did my best to protect him from harm,
But could not fight his own deadly charm.

There are many mothers, more gentle than me;
They take care of what, in the now, they see.
Their cores of calm flow through them,
An into even the baby men.

How calm I feel as a great grandmother,
Seeing the competence of an actual mother.
She has no fear as others take him
So gently that they do not wake him.

How wonderful it must be to have a tribe,
To shelter you so your child will thrive.
I had a circle when my babies were born;
But one by one they were each gone.

As will this circle be, when I return home,
Leaving me feeling even more alone.
My computer will become my closest friend,
The one on whom I can always depend.

How I wish to be part of a tribal council,
Where grandparents enable the possible.
When all share their strengths with the tribe,
The protection of young spirits is never denied.

Where even old women dance and howl at the moon,
Knowing that grief will follow too soon.
Who will be there while I cry,
As my loved one's bodies die?

Who will laugh with me while I pray
With no words? There are none left to say.
I know that, in life, the most sacred friend
Is the one there with me at the end.

I know that many mothers here
Are put off by my three-year-old cheer.
But it is the only way that I feel safe
When in such a sacred women's place.

The other me is like God the Father;
I don't know how to be submissive daughter.
My mother feared me for training my dad,
At nine months, with the strength I had.

Only with my grandchildren am I calm;
Their parents offer, to my fears, a balm.
But even they have gone away,
Tired of what I have to say.

There is no place for a burnt out mother
Except to save our wisdom for the others.
My greatest fear about my death,
Is when it comes, all my friends will have left

Even this fear has been assuaged;
An angel, here, my fear massaged.
There are those who will sing me to sleep,
When it is time for my loved ones to weep.

Until that time, I will smile upon young parents
Who honor the job for which they were sent.
The bringing up of a child in the way he should go
Is the greatest mission a person will ever know.

At Alchemy Friday 5:30a.m.

I am at Alchemy, something for which I have longed, seemingly forever.
I am in the presence of 150 women of wisdom and personal power, and I feel so small.
Many of these women are just starting on the adventure of full womanhood;
I am in awe of their courage to come together in a room so teaming with strong spirits.

Are they sure the spirits entering them through the air, their ears and eyes will be loving?
Ritual breaks down barriers, and let's the spirit breaths of others into our sacred souls.
We pretend that all mother spirits are life giving, but I know this not to be true.
I am tired of being picked to death by mothers wanting to have me conform.

It takes only a look or a gasp to inform me that I've crossed the line from "lady-like".
I am not a lady. I am a warrior woman, fighting to my own death to reclaim my sacred son.
Never have I felt my daddy's energy so powerfully; even his mother is here in this fight.
Is it an accident that their is a boy baby at my table? It is for him that I offer up my prayers.

I don't want a world of women. I want a world men and women are the doulas of each others' souls.

I AM infinite

I am fond of a joke that goes something like this, "If you are good to a dog, the dog comes to believe that you are a god; If you are good to a cat, the cat comes to believe that he/she is a god."

It seems to me that cats are not ever truly domesticated unless they become best friends with a domesticated dog who will teach them some manners. Perhaps humans should be dividing themselves into those who like being feral cats and those who want to be domesticated dogs. They should wear clothing that signifies what they prefer to be, so we know what to expect of them and in their tribes.

I know that a lot of people wear "gang" insignia, be the insignia of their favorite sports team, their school colors, signs of their religious affiliation, or actual violent gang signs. I appreciate this, so that I can attempt to avoid getting on the wrong side of their ways of treating outsiders. I am not sure why it angers so many people to see signs of "gang" affiliation.

I can usually observe from a distance before deciding whether or not the person or non-human animal seems safe for me to approach. What is wrong with simply crossing the street to avoid confrontation with those we don't understand? Why do we buy into fear as an automatic response to all that appear to be not "like us?"

There are many who belong to animal  rescue organizations, promoting the good qualities of animals that are thought to be intrinsically violent. I submit that the way the animals are taught to be more gentle is to be worked with one-on-one by people who look them in the eye, speaks gently and teaches them what is expected in their new homes. Is this the way we "rescue" humans who have been abandoned by "polite" society before they end up in a prison ministry. I think not.

Many western rules are based on the ten commandments. The problem with these commandments is that they speak to others about what others should do. Perhaps we'd have more luck with people actually living by them as examples to others if the were reworded as positive messages of what we "shall" do, and worn on our bodies, so that we could hold each other accountable for the examples we are embodying:

1. I will see The Sacred Spirit in all creation, and will honor that spirit above all.

2. I will not attempt to limit the vision of The Sacred Spirit to an earthly image.

3. I will not use any image of The Sacred Spirit to manipulate another to my will.

4. I will be grateful for every day, and will rejoice with others on a regular basis.

5. I will honor my history by seeking to overcome the examples embodies in fear, and multiply the blessings.

6. I will seek to see The Sacred Spirit in all who wish to do me and my children harm, killing only when all other methods of sharing The Sacred Spirit have been attempted.

7. I will build The Sacred Spirit through bonding with others, and will not introduce into these sacred bonds that which will loosen them.

8. I will be humble enough to ask for what I need, being willing to learn to earn it. I will pay life-sustaining wages to all who help in my own efforts.

9. I will say encouraging words to and about everyone I encounter, so that each person may see and share The Sacred Spirit with me and others that they encounter.

10.  I will rejoice with others as they work to build security for their families and all communities on earth, and will use my own talents to assist in this effort toward justice.

To sum it all up, we can see The Sacred Spirit in all around us, and nurture The Sacred Spirit in all. Just in case people still don't get the message that "God" is I AM  to the infinite power. That means all that is special on earth and in "heaven."

Hoping for Full Humanity

Our efforts should not be about silencing our sons;
It is not only women who have been silenced by society
We should be about teaching our sons their own voices,
But boys are told those with forethought aren't manly.

Those who have set themselves up as priests and prophets
Have stolen the voices of the humblest family man.
The wives have been lulled by pastoral sweetness,
As their husbands work as hard as they can.

"Give us the breadwinners' hard-earned money;
We will use it as sacrifice to the jealous gods.
Manna will surely fall from the heavens,
If on the path we lay out you commit to trod.

We are the intermediaries, without whom you're damned.
Demanding nothing from you, in the form of remuneration.
God, without man, will provide all your family needs;
We substitutes for your husbands offer salvation.

It is arrogance to honor accomplishments of man;
Only "God" can offer anything worth having on earth.
Only the learned can approach the Great Power,
And, of them, we continue creating a dearth."

We must honor the sweat, the blood, and the flesh
Of those making physical presence on earth possible.
There are so many talents proclaiming The Sacred Spirit
In which full human potential is most bountiful.

The arrogance is in relegating those who nurture and serve
To the lowest rungs of income and honored human dignity.
Giving over the power to those promoting mortal fear
In al who with them dare to disagree

I sang this song to my sacred son hoping to keep open his heart:

Talk; talk, My Baby;
It's okay to talk,
When you're wondering, when you're knowing,
It's okay to talk.

Sing, sing, My Baby;
It's okay to sing.
When you're joyful, when you're saddened,
It's okay to sing.

Laugh; laugh, My baby;
It's okay to laugh.
When you're joyful, when you're funny,
It's okay to laugh.

Love; love, My baby;
It's okay to love.
When you're feeling soft and so warm,
It's okay to love.

Cry, cry, My baby;
It's okay to cry.
When you're hurting, when you're grieving,
It's okay to cry.

It worked for many years with me and all around him. He was such a precious one, who charmed all with his wide-open acceptance. He is now pressured by many in his circle, and his own shame at being a "mama's boy", to be angry with his "feminine side."

I have been rejected, and can no longer see the children of my son. I pray every day that our society will take the stigma off of each human being balanced between our "masculine" and "feminine" selves.