Males, Females, and Faith

The Arts of Manhood

February 1, 2013 By Jim Burklo ://www.patheos.com/blogs/faithforward/2013/02/the-arts-of-manhood/

The author of this blog post posits a list of characteristics that define "real" men. This prompted a cry regarding the definition of "real" women from a man who had been abused. As the divorced mother of  grown children, both male and female, both with teen children of their own, I have this to offer:

Real men are built by real women who are not afraid to truly love the boy in the man, warts and all. Too many women allow their boys to raise themselves in the packs of male animals roaming our streets. Others deny and disrespect those qualities in boys that define them as male. So many boys are torn from their mothers because the mothers refuse to fight for their young men long enough for them to become "real" men. This includes sheltering our boys from the wiles of women who want to take advantage of their innocence to build themselves up in the eyes of their own societies, or to garner societal support through their production of progeny.

The building of "real" men and women is an almost impossible task when we have so much of our "godly" society following the paths of the gods of blood sacrifice and war, but it can be accomplished when we love our sons and daughters enough to protect them. Sadly, too many of their fathers promote disdain for the love of a woman and counterfeit ways for their daughters to seek support.

Too many men are taught to hide their vulnerabilities by exhibiting animal behaviors of territorial cruelty. Too many women are taught to use their sexuality as a trap for the unsuspecting male. Too many in our society who call themselves 'Christian" accept animal instinctual behaviors as "the way we are made." We may have been made as animals, but it is a part of our religious ethic that we teach our children to rise above animal instinct. We do this by example, as well as by our words.

In our feminist society, we have sought to diminish men. This is probably in retaliation for the diminishment of women, caused by fear of the power of procreation obvious in a woman's body, but less so in that of males. It is time that we realize that people are meant to seek balance in partnerships and that procreation is only sacred when we honor both sides of the seeds that create life. Even without procreation, all energy is meant to be expanded by balance of strengths and weaknesses and respect for all that is part of nature.

For those of a "Christian" culture, ask yourselves, "Why did your god desire a woman to create your savior?" If god is a male, he must have thought that the Y chromosome was important to balance in creation, but he did not create this new breed of man without a balance of the yin and yang. I am so very tired of the pendulum swings. It is time that we all stand for respect and balance in nature and the responsibility to guide this given only to the human animal.

In the Eyes of Others

What we see reflected in the eyes of others,
Especially the eyes of our fathers and mothers,
Is a great influence on that which we become.
This can be the greatest life's tragedy for some.

For weeks, I have basked in celebrations,
And was rewarded with much admiration
By those who believe I have great value,
Not based on what I think, say, or do.

We all need networks of unqualified support,
To which we can, in times of stress, resort.
For many, there is nobody to respect
Our intrinsic values that society rejects.

Many, in their relationships, seek their own reflections;
What they see should often lead to introspection.
The great danger is when what they see brings shame
For the observer's own weaknesses, the observed is to blame.

We sometimes have to die to those whose refrains
Are filled with reasons we deserve their disdain.
We may be blessed along our life's new path
With freshly-found friendships that will hold fast.

I feel that I have been brought to death many times,
Though the killing of souls is not considered a crime.
I have somehow always been blessed with new energy
For returning fully to who and what I am meant to be.

And there have been times that my grief in lost love
Has created shared Spirit that's thicker than blood.
When we seek to enjoy others, rather than control,
Our conjoined spirits may make us both more whole.

Being Bonded in The Sacred Spirit

As wild animals, we are mostly motivated by fear. As beings into whom The Sacred Spirit has been breathed, we become motivated by the security of being bonded to something greater than ourselves. Some may call the desire to continue this inclusion a form of fear, but I believe it is something much more deeply spiritual than that.

Before we are born, we can feel our mother's reactions to our presence in her womb. Much of how she feels about our unborn essence is shaped by the circumstances of our conception and the treatment of her by those who surround her in her time of greatest vulnerability. As she rejoices in our inclusion in her life, our Sacred Spirits begin to grow. If her spirit resents or rejects us, either while we are in her womb or after our births, our Sacred Spirits begin to wither.

Upon our birth, if we are loved, our parents breathe their spirits into our nostrils and share their souls with ours. We are one with our protective parents. This bond becomes unbreakable when it is a true and unselfish sharing of The Sacred Spirit.

In healthy relationships, the family is strong enough in their bonds and boundaries to include others in their web of family and faith until the children are able to form their own separate families. In unhealthy relationships, the parents either seek to live through their children or send their children out on their own before their spirits are fully formed.

Without proper spiritual bonding and boundaries, we are nothing but wild animals, led by fear. This is not what humanity is meant to be. Why have we fallen for the interpretations of scripture that present The Sacred Spirit as a blood-thirsty force for fear instead of a protective parent breathing the breath of life into all creation?

My vision of The Sacred Spirit is not as King, Lord, or Master, but as The Breath of Loving Life that I feel breathed into my nostrils and poured into my soul by those who truly love me without self-serving motives. My attempts to stay included in their auras is not motivated by fear, but by a deep longing for their spiritual sharing with me.

My New Mountain Mission

I've been blessed by a new mission while visiting my mountain mama, as is fitting because her family hadso much to do with what I will be working with. Last Monday evening, we attended February's monthly meeting of the Coker Creek Ruritan Club, which was founded by her family and several other long-term residents of Coker Creek. As a rural civic organization, much like Kiwainis or Civitans, the club exists to benefit the local people and community.

Richard has served on their board and I've participated with him, giving us both the opportunity to get to know many of the nicest people in the area, through serving with them. My attendance at the potluck supper meeting with Mountain Mama started me on my new journey. I became reacquainted with Jill Franklin, the principal of Coker Creek Elementary School, a mission that I've been interested in assisting for some time. We discussed the possibility of using my latest book about Coker Creek to help with fundraising for this extremely important hub of the community, for which the Murphy family donated much of the land.

I also ran into Mary Jane, who will be assisting in promoting Coker Creek's heritage through a newly designed website. I had offered to help write for her efforts. At the meeting she gladly accepted my offer.

This morning, I took the opportunity to pay a visit to Jill at the school. What a wonderful surprise awaited me when I walked in without an appointment; the principal was standing in the office. I explained to her that much of my writing is a celebration of the family life of Coker Creek, and that I would like to help promote more of this, through the use of my books. She, in turn, shared that she was attempting to start an after-school care program at her school to assist in the efforts to attract more working families to send their children to this local rural school. What a match made in heaven are her goals and my interests and talents!

To add icing to the already rich cake of community involvement, I ran into my across-the-hill neighbors, Terry and Cassie, while at the school. Our delightful chat about my assisting with next year's school Mardi Gras celebration was followed by a visit to our favorite Coker Creek gold prospector, Bill, and his wife, Marsh Jean, who have twin boys at Coker Creek Elementary. Bill had a professional Foosball table for sale that will be perfect for our rental cabin game room, and Marsha Jean is interested in learning how to write grants.Blessings abound!

I am so excited about working closely with all these woman that I so admire and love, and to many more excuses for trips to see my mountain mama.

Keeping Pace With a Powerhouse

I began yesterday in the company of my oh-so-enthusiastic oldest granddaughter. Within the space of two hours, I picked her up from her dorm, took her to breakfast, shopped with her for an umbrella and rain boots, shopped for fish at a food market, and dropped her back on her campus. I ended the day with my mountain mama and the fine folks of the Coker Creek Ruritan club, most of whom are long retired. Mountain Mama spent much of her time talking with the second oldest member of the club, a mere ninety years old, three years her junior.

Upon my awakening this morning, Mountain Mama had coffee brewing, bacon almost done, and slices of Mary Sue's homemade bread ready for toasting. She allowed me at the stove to fry our eggs to order, the eggs being those that she brought in from her hen house last evening. She was then ready to get our day started.

We began with her insistance that we invite a few friends over for supper. Josie and Adam weren't even awake yet, but I fixed that with my phone call. Meanwhile, Mamie made phone calls to ascertain whether the family that is slated to rent one of her apartments is ready to move in. When she and I both received affirmative answers, we had missions to accomplish. It was first time to remove all the Mamie's dishes and linens out of the apartment to make room for those of the new family.

We swept the garage floor to ready it for storage and made many trips up and down the steep stairs from the garage to the apartment. We moved furniture, swept floors, and changed lightbulbs. She, thankfully, allowed me to be her pack mule up and down the stairs, but much to my dismay, she insisted on climbing on chairs and a step ladder to reach a couple of things for herself. I was thrilled when, after two hours, she decided that we needed to take a break.

Our break lasted all of ten minutes; then it was time to start thinking about our supper menu. Since slaw was in the offing, this led to a trip to the garden to pull up some carrots. I needed to go to town for some prescriptions, so we made a grocery list. Mamie broke off from washing carrots long enough to have a bite of lunch, after which I drove to the next-door post office for her mail. I know she'll always take a break to read her mail, and I really like to encourage her not to exhaust herself. When I returned with her mail after ten minutes, she had already put on the iced tea for tonight.

What a whirling dervish she still is, even at ninety-three. I was happy to have a good excuse to drive around for a while; I needed a rest. I'm sure we'll both be beating the pots and pans when I return to her house.

Savoring My Children's Sprits

Letting go of them is the hardest thing a parent can do,
Knowing our children are protected by a very few.
It is easy to interfere when we offer our protection,
Risking that this will lead to our own rejection.

When our adult children finally break away,
It hard to know what to do or what to say.
When we release them, we pray for their return,
Knowing there are lessons they still have to learn.

They and their children have so much to teach me;
My enthusiasm for them is often perceived as greed.
My prayers have been for them to have loving others
To protect them when they lose me, their mother.

The greatest earthly blessing that they can give me
Is showing me they're safe in their own families.
They have each other to share their history
Even if their families' futures do not include me.

I always knew they were not given to me, but lent,
And that, as their mother, I'd have much to repent.
I am willing to, our adult friendships sacrifice,
If my absence makes, for each of them, a better life.

Life without enjoying our shared memories
Is not an old age by which I'm most pleased,
But I am willing do whatever I must
To remain an elder friend in whom they can trust.

They may not always like me; we often disagree,
But my love and respect I hope they both see.
I stand at the door with my arms outstretched,
Available to them if, my friendship, they elect.

On this Sacred Sunday, I think of them with no tears;
I seem to have finally let go of my motherly fears.
I feel at peace with whatever they, as adults, choose.
Their Sacred Spirits live on in me; these I can't lose.

Men of Ministry

I see so many men struggling with what they are supposed to be;
We used to expect them to strut their strengths for all to see.
We got lonesome when they died, and we lived so very long.
We women, who love them, are now teaching them our songs.

So many of them cook and clean while we're on the run;
They are now creating friendships simply to share in fun.
These posses will band together to help us protect the young,
Even when those we women choose to protect are very far-flung.

Men grew tired of pretending strength while we pretend to be weak;
It's not easy defining roles in the partnerships we now seek.
A world of sharing resources is what The Sacred Spirit projected;
It takes head and heart from all of us for our earth to be protected.

Why do we continue to kill humans after all these generations?
Why do we continue to divide ourselves into earthly nations?
We are all The Body Human, endowed with The Sacred Spirit.
We must learn to sing loud enough so the whole earth will hear it.

We must stop promoting fear as a way to change the hearts of others;
We must stop ridiculing men who wish to learn from their mothers.
We must expect and teach our men to hold and cherish our babes;
Perhaps they will then realize that no person should be another's slave.

When we allow our boys to enjoy many years of innocence,
Perhaps The Sacred Spirit will leave a greater imprint.
A man who learns to hold a baby gently in his own arms,
Is a man much less likely to wish any life on earth harm.